Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Okay--so 2 out of 3 readers want to know what's going on with me and a possible new call. And this is a lovely procrastination tool for the sermon that doesn't seem to want to get written for this weekend.

A congregation about 45 minutes from here will be voting whether or not to extend me a call on Sunday, March 7th. Their proposal for compensation was well below synod guidelines and even more below what I'm receiving in my current setting. (Because of insurance coverage costs.) My hubby and I met with them and proposed a middle ground--I took him with, it was ridiculous not to--we make financial decisions together and it would have delayed the process to have to talk to him before agreeing. So, I still would be making less than here/less than guidelines, but Baby Girl would have insurance coverage along with me and we think the 'quality of life' benefits would outweigh the cost. And Hubby could keep his job though we'd move closer to the new place. (He currently drives about 15-20 minutes in the direction of the new place from where we are now.) So, this tiny, struggling financially congregation will be voting on calling me AND a salary package bigger than they had budgeted for. So...we'll see.

And I'm okay because lots of things make it seem like it will happen, though it's by no means a done deal. And, if it doesn't happen, Hubby is committed to doing everything in his power to get a new job for himself to get me out of here!

So...there you have it. Now to the sermon for this weekend! Brilliant ideas on that are welcome! Somehow I've never preached on this particular Sunday of the church year, so I really have nothing.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

I am writing this because I need to keep my mouth shut.

I remember baptizing this little boy who died, marking his forehead with the sign of the cross. "Child of God, you have been sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever." I remember his bright blue eyes, the way he was one of the first children I ever made real eye contact with as they were baptized--believing, knowing, he looked into my eyes as I said these words to him. I remember when he was diagnosed and telling his mom that I didn't know what to say, but if there was anything I could do--come over and wash dishes even--I would. I read his website faithfully, trying to be connected when he did not get out of the house much and the family had supports beside us for actual visits. (Though we talked regularly with the parents.) I have felt more than once that I was to be here to do his funeral--most strongly felt that when I was discerning whether or not to move 2ish years ago.

And now, I will be involved in the funeral, but not preaching. And I began to question, was I really not the one who poured the baptismal waters? Am I thinking of the wrong little boy? But my pastoral reports indeed say that I presided at this baptism. According to senior pastor, he's preaching because he presided at the baptism. And I wonder--did that come from him or the family? If they remember him, fine. But if he doesn't remember....

I obviously would never say something to the family. Losing your 6 year old son is more than enough grief. I want to say something to senior pastor, but what good would it do? So, I'm keeping my mouth shut. I will do my best at the funeral and I will do my best to love the family.

God claimed this little boy in the waters anyway--I was just the hands; it could have be any hands. And now God has claimed this little boy again--for all eternity. I've got to get out of the way.

Not about me, but about me

So...I am hopefully done playing nurse to my family. Hubby is on the mend--feels good today. Sees eye doctor tomorrow. Baby Girl was her full, happy, bubbly, perky self this morning. She see's doc on Friday just to be sure.

I need desperately to get my sermon for tomorrow written, but just got a sad phone call (for lack of a better word). A little boy was just admitted to a hospice house this morning--he has outlived his diagnosis for much longer than any of us expected. My heart aches for this family--this little boy whose forehead I marked with the sign of the cross on his baptismal day just over 6 years ago.

A few years ago, I thought I was going to move, but had this nagging feeling that I was supposed to stay until I did his funeral. Well--I didn't move then--for lots of reasons. And now--in just a few weeks, a different congregation will be voting to extend me a call. (It's by no means definite; money is a huge factor but that's another post.) If they do call me, it'll be a few months yet before moving. Just recently I said to my hubby, I haven't thought about this boy's funeral for some time. But today, I wonder. Is this what I am here for?

So What's Next?

A toddler with a double ear infection.

And raspy chest so on medicine for that too so that it doesn't turn to pneumonia.

Seriously?

So my iphone wouldn't cooperate with attempt #1--which would not have been complete because that was Sunday morning.

Blogger/my computer ate attempt #2.

Here's #3...

Seriously, how much more can we take?

I spent from 3 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. Sunday morning with my hubby in the ER
(Add this to the list of why I'm glad I'm an associate for now--my role for Sunday morning services was to lead worship/preside--senior could manage on his own quite nicely)

He is 'a freak of nature'--the doctor's term, really. Apparently people don't have 2 kidney stones (1 in each kidney) at the same time--at least very often.

Saw the urologist Monday a.m., which ended up involving a 'procedure'--code for knocking hubby out and putting stents in each tube from each kidney to bladder. Stones broke up with the scope so they should just pass, stents will be removed next week. But now there is pain from the procedure--mostly just when he pees, but also some pain from the stents being put in.

The good news, seriously, in all of this is that my mom was in town, so Baby Girl did not have to go with to either. She was able to stay asleep in her bed and then have someone who loved her and know her routine to wake up to. She's confused, we can tell. But she is loved. And it made 7 hours in the ER and hours in the waiting room at the surgery center much more bearable knowing whose hands she was in.

Add to this a waiting game for me about something potentially significant and I'm fried. Trying very hard to finish Sunday's sermon today so I can start on Ash Wednesday tomorrow. Yucky weather here, so at least when I go home this early afternoon I do not have to come back out for a meeting I was supposed to have. That's something at least.

Can we go back to 2009?

2010 is off to an officially crappy start. I've avoided writing about some of it because it seemed like it would 'out' me, but really if anyone knows me, the last post already did. I've told on Baby Girl a lot. What can I say, she is the bright light of every day! Sometimes the only light.

So here's the year so far:

January 1-2 ~ No big deal. Hubby, Baby Girl, and I went out for a really early dinner on December 31 and then came home and settled in for the night. She went to bed at her normal time (7:30/8 p.m.) and we watched the ball drop in New York (so 11 p.m. our time) and went to sleep. The days were home and uneventful.

January 3 ~ Morning worship--not a big deal, except upon leaving from colleague. "Oh, did so-and-so talk to you? They want to come see you on Tuesday." Leaving me with guesses but unsure about topic.

January 5 ~ First day back in the office after a week off. So-and-so calls to set up appointment, colleague does give me a bit of history about what topic will be. Meet with him--blog later (the sermon I want to write versus the sermon I need to write.)

January 7 ~ 6 p.m. Short version -- Hubby gets hit in the eye with a flying rock. Serious injury. Crappy weather. Friend takes us all (including Baby Girl) to emergency room. Arrive home 10 p.m. after two ERs due to stupid hospital system

January 8 ~ Crappy weather, friend takes hubby to eye doc so as to disturb Baby Girl less, hubby to be on at least 5 days of bed rest, pills, and numerous drops. Frantically arrange care for girl for Saturday evening worship and Sunday morning. Oh yeah, and try to finish sermon.

January 9 ~ a.m. visit doc, eye looking good

January 10 ~ 2 a.m. hubby wakes me up in severe eye pain and seeing (or not as the case may be) as he did right after rock, 6 a.m. call senior pastor and give him two options--I don't come to worship/important Sunday School event I'm part of or his wife takes hubby to eye doc when he calls. senior pastor goes with option 2. Rebleed--really, really bad for eye--increase drugs and bed rest

January 10 ~ 8:30 a.m. with Baby Girl go get oil changed, p.m. in-laws arrive and I take hubby to doctor

rest of the week ~ someone takes hubby to doctor every day, either FIL, me or both ~ I try to work and try to maintain some sense of normalcy in my home and with Baby Girl

January 17 ~ morning between services--pre-annual meeting meeting that I don't attend because it could get ugly regarding me and colleague, in-laws leave so FIL can have hernia surgery on Monday, hubby's eye improving

January 20 ~ ice storm, but get hubby to eye doc before it's bad to hear things are looking good--eliminate pills, keep drops, no need to see doc again until Wednesday

January 21 ~ a.m. hubby sees retina specialist, can't see retina as well as would like so needs to come back Monday, still really icy--don't want to have friend come out to watch Baby Girl so I can attend potentially horrid council meeting while hubby (who can finally drive) can go to older daughter's 7 p.m. recital, 5 p.m. hubby finds out that recital is at 6 p.m. an hour away--franctically prepares to go and take Baby Girl with, 9 p.m. I arrive home not long after them, 10 p.m. go to sleep, 11:30 p.m. woken up by hubby saying something about "kidney beans"--he's in severe pain--we do online research, call doctors, etc. --self-diagnose kidney stones, he's in bad shape

January 22 ~ 1 a.m. head to ER, loading up Baby Girl from sleeping--she stays asleep through move and all the way to the ER, wakes up then--about 2 a.m. is awake until 4 a.m. in the ER, hubby is definitively diagnosed with kidney stone, given loads of pain meds and sent home, 3:45 Baby Girl starts to melt down tremendously, I want to cry (she really was a trooper through it all--she's such a good, happy girl, we are so lucky!), 4:30 a.m. arrive home, sleeping Baby Girl stays asleep for transfer back to bed, 5 a.m. I curl up to sleep, 6:30 a.m. Baby Girl awake and ready to go! Hubby snoring away from all the heavy duty pain meds, I manage to get Baby Girl to watch some tv so I can doze until 7:30 a.m., 7:45 a.m. wake up hubby to watch her while I shower, 8 a.m. leave to take Baby Girl to daycare and head to pick up prescriptions for hubby, taken those home, 9:30 a.m. arrive in office--spend day (with exception of one home communion visit) trying to stay awake and write sermon for this weekend--which is annual meeting and potentially hurtful and the texts are about being the church (as I read them)--there seems to be a lot at stake.

Oh--and no time for this, but hubby has new job, don't know how many sick days he really has nor what his insurance covers; he had to buy insurance at this job and he's never sick, so I don't know which one he picked. We've seen no bills yet, but yikes...it cannot be good.

I want to go back to 2009. 2010 is not off to a good start.

Crayons

This morning, Baby Girl was playing with crayons, which I took away when she started saying, 'icky' and I noticed red chunks around her mouth. (She has been told repeatedly not to eat crayons and also had them taken away for doing so.) I put them away in a different spot than usual and she saw that. She cried a bit, but got over it. We played and she said goodbye to me as usual--with hugs, kisses, waves, etc. I left for work about 8:15 a.m.

When I came home around 3 p.m., she didn't come running like usual. I came in and said, "where's my girl?" She looked at me, pointed, and said "crayons." I replied, "can I have a hug?" She looked at me, pointed, and said "crayons." I went over to her to try to hug her; "crayons," she said. I encouraged her to ask nicely (i.e. saying please) which she did. Then I gave back her crayons, asked for a hug and she happily obliged.

That girl forgets nothing! But obviously can hold a grudge, but not forever. I usually rock her to drowsy and then put her in her crib. Tonight, she wanted to be held until asleep. I would try to move her and she'd say, "NO" and push me back in the chair. She was quite content to snuggle. She makes me so happy. I still can't believe how much I love her!

The Sermon I Want to Write vs. the Sermon I Need to Write

So, the lectionary is a good thing, yes? I knew this week was Baptism of Our Lord for a long time, knowing I'd be preaching. I hadn't looked at the texts closely prior to Tuesday morning. When Isaiah's/God's words struck me the most. "I have called you by name, you are mine." (The text is Isaiah 43:1-7.) And others..."you are precious in my sight; I love you." Words that most of us need to hear more often than we do. I read these on Tuesday morning, just after having been given a heads-up that I was going to have someone come in to talk to me in the afternoon as a follow-up to an evaluation given 2 plus years ago. The story is much more drawn out than I have in me. The conversation went well, but here are the highlights. I don't talk about myself enough in my sermons. (Really--I was taught that sermons should be about, I don't know, GOD.) I am not 'friendly' enough in the narthex before/after services. (Really--when you rush to put your coat on or make a closed circle to talk with your friends, I'm not going to interrupt you unless I have something more specific than good morning to say.) I've been here nearly 7 years; these aren't new things...but I can only change so much. Especially when I found out this follow-up (so late) is because a handful of people thought that they should 'eliminate the position' for 2010. At least council said, "no--if this was part of the evaluation 2 years ago, we need to follow up on it rather than having done nothing than told her that 2 years ago...and we don't agree on the step of eliminating the position."

Anyway, Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 1 a.m. Baby Girl wakes up. I listen to her whine/moan/cry through the moniter about 15 minutes and then go hold her, rocking her for 1/2 hour before she settles down. Just long enough to be fully awake and hear the words echoing in my head that I'm not good enough. (And continuing to echo for at least an hour more after I get back in my bed.) I never have been and never will be. The good news is that I also had the words of Isaiah/God echoing around in there. "You are precious in my sight and I love you. I created you. You are mine."

So the sermon I want to write is basically this..."You want to hear more about me. How about this? I'm a shy quiet introvert who wants you to learn about me by taking time to talk to me, not by sharing stories from the pulpit. From here, I want you to hear about God. But today, how about this? In my life, I've hardly ever felt good enough...and Tuesday I was told I wasn't good enough to be here, to be standing before you. So I spent hours awake with that echoing in my head. The good news is that I had God's voice too--and too bad for you, that's the one I'm going to listen to. If I'm not good enough for you, fine. I am God's beloved and I am doing the best I can to be who God made me--and it's not by telling stories about myself or about shaking more hands after worship."

And the sermon I need to write is not quite the same....It will be about all of us needing to hear Isaiah's/God's words echoing in our minds. I just first have to get through the sermon I want to write and to hear the sermon I need to hear in order to get to the sermon they need to hear.

Sickness, Snow Days and My Little Extrovert

Due to winter weather and a touch of sickness, we've spent much of the last week inside. Tuesday, Baby Girl went to daycare, but I picked her up early because of tummy troubles that wouldn't allow her to remain at daycare. Let's just say she was on her 3rd outfit of the day. Wednesday is usually a work-at-home day, but we go out to a text study meeting. We didn't because of snow and Daddy was home from work too--no school! Thursday was cold...cold...cold! But, Daddy and I tag-teamed work in order to keep Baby Girl home (though looking at the day, she probably could have gone to daycare). There was no school, but Daddy wanted to get work done, so he worked in the morning and I went to work for the afternoon. About 4 p.m. I called to say that I'd be heading home and Daddy asked if we wanted to go out to pick up some groceries and get out of the house. I agreed as long as they were ready as soon as I got home so the car would be nice and warm for Baby Girl. I pulled in the driveway and we still debated, but decided to go. Apparently, when we hung up, he had said to Baby Girl, "find your socks and shoes" and she couldn't find them/get to the door fast enough! Well...my little girl is such an extrovert! She was so happy and exicted to be out. She said "hi" to everyone in the store, even staring down the cashier until the cashier replied. Guess it was good to get out!

So really, not a very exciting post, but it's a wonderful procrastination tool!

Need vs. Want

I should be working...I'm in my office where the afternoon is unusually quiet; that means I'm working, right? Never mind that I'm reading blogs and checking personal email and texting my hubby. I will leave soon to pick up Baby Girl from daycare; she's 17 months old now. I think I need a different nickname, but I digress.

Knowing tomorrow will be a busy day of appointments, I want to get a sermon written for this weekend--maybe it's even a need. But it's not happening. I'm managing to stay on top of other work things and maybe even enjoying some of them. But not preaching. It seems to be such a struggle lately. And yet, I look longingly at a potential D.Min program at my alma mater. But I've become a horrible preacher. My habits are atrocious; I am very disappointed in myself. I would be embarrassed to tell my preaching professor, a person who I admire so much, a person who has also so often been my pastor.

I can't decide if my bad preaching is a symptom or the problem. I am so very done here in this place. I need something that will be rejuvenating and life-giving. I'm hopeful about a continuing ed. event this summer, but details are still very fuzzy and senior pastor is already having a fit about how he'll fit taking youth on a mission trip and get his vacation in this summer, especially if I'll be gone any of it. (Never mind that I agreed to go to the week of confirmation camp and also am entitled to vacation time. Heaven forbid that we get a supply pastor even though it's in the budget.)

I want to be a better preacher--I need to. Yes, God can work through all sorts of garbage, but I've got to get out of the way. Right now, I feel squarely in the way. I find all sorts of things to do to avoid sermon writing because I feel like such a failure.

At text study this week, I said that I wasn't sure where I'm going exactly (I have a designated theme because of a program we are doing). I said, "I think I just need to start writing and see what happens." I just haven't been able to bring myself to start. Sometimes I need to sit with paper and pencil. Perhaps late tonight after evening meeting. Who needs sleep, right?

QRSTUVWXY and Z

I haven't posted for a month, but I just can't let this thing go. I feel like I need to complete this before I post anything else...despite having had other things that would mostly likely develop into much more interesting posts. But for my sake...completing an alphabet of gratitude!

Q

• Quilts ~ both for warmth and beauty
• Quiet moments ~ quiet moments in my heart are treasured more so than actual volume, though I do appreciate times of actual quiet too

R

• Reading ~ don't do as much as I'd like right now

S

• Sunshine ~ I sometimes wonder if I really do suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I need sunshine!

T

• Texting ~ a new way for my hubby and I to communicate

U

• Umbrellas? ~ really, all I can think of this moment that begins with u

V

• VeggieTales ~ Baby Girl LOVES Bob the Tomato--these are a huge help in the morning when I must get ready and need to know she's occupied while I shower

W

• Winter memories ~ I hate cold and mostly hate winter, but winter memories from my childhood are some of my favorite.

X

• xylophone ~ Baby Girl loves to play hers

Y

• You ~ I know I don't write often anymore, if I ever did, but it's nice to know someone might actually read this. (And I know there are a few of you who do at least occasionally.)

Z

• Zippers ~ crazy thing to be grateful for I know, but I prefer zippers to buttons on sweaters--they feel warmer somehow in the midst of winter

Okay--done--perhaps others will come to me and I'll add them. Hopefully instead I will just post more.

JKLMNOP

I really had good intentions of doing this gratitude posting; I did. But I would also find myself tired at the end of the day and without the brain power to put thoughts into words, especially thoughtful words. I also found myself without time throughout the day to post--except while at work while trying to be more efficient so as to have less to do on my 'work-at-home' days and to not feel so overwhelmed. So...this fell away. At the same time, I'm OCD enough that I can't just fully admit it and then let it go...I need to at least make a list of a few things for each letter. So today (or actually composed in weeks)...JKLMNOP



J

• J and J ~ my great-grandparents, though I never knew them, their stories have shaped me, their decisions to leave the 'old country' and come to the US, their lives before and after that move, their daughter my grandma
• Jonquils ~ don't really know how they are different from daffodils, but I love both and I think 'jonquils' is a fun word
• Jury duty ~ can't say I want to do this anytime again soon, but it was definitely an educational experience! I wouldn't mind serving again in the distant future

K

• kisses ~ Baby Girl will kiss pictures, particularly of doggies (or bow-wows as she says), and daddy and her bear and toys...but they are hard-won gifts for me. I think she associates giving me kisses with me going away and so doesn't want to give them...despite that I give her lots of kisses all the time. Yesterday, she would kiss a picture of me, but not me. I don't understand.
• kisses--the Hershey variety, particularly with almonds ~ I posted about these some time ago, maybe I'll get ambitious later and create a link

L

• lists ~ I'm a list maker. They help keep me semi-focused on things that need to be accomplished
• light ~ preferably natural light. I don't care if the house warms up in the afternoon, I want lots of light coming in. I hate the darkness of the winter; it sucks the life out of me. I love how long the light is in the summer. During that time of year, I think I could live near the arctic circle.

M

• music ~ I may not have any natural musical talent, but I love music.
• milk ~ I drank soy until age 5, but quickly developed a love for milk. When I go to my mom's, she always says she had to buy extra milk because her calf is home. Even though I love milk, I should have known something was up when I drank a whole gallon by myself in the 24 hours before Baby Girl was born. This is also probably why producing milk for her was not a challenge for me, at least according to my doctor.

N

• nighttime ~ particularly nights without meetings, the quiet nights when we are home together as a family and I can snuggle and rock Baby Girl to sleep
• newness ~ for right now I think I'm grateful for the little new things because I am so craving bigger newness

O

• order ~ I like 'a place for everything and everything in its place.' I'm learning to let some of that go as I realize that a 16 month old just can't do it. I haven't fully given up on the 38 year old who also lives in my house though.
• once upon a time ~ okay, a stretch, I admit--but stories and those stories that so easily lend themselves to being pulled into and stories that take us away to new places

P

• pens and pencils ~ some particular ones in fact, I love variety in these, of playing with new ones and colors. I do more and more on the computer, but sometimes I just need to physically write.
• peas ~ Baby Girl's current favorite vegetable

Big I, Little i, what begins with I?

Itchy, itchy Ichabod...I, i, I*

Has it really been two weeks? Wow...it's been a crazy few weeks; I started this list in my head two weeks ago...

• internet ~ really, don't know what I'd do without it
• income ~ two steady incomes in fact, incomes not affected by the economic downturn
• ice cream ~ especially chocolate from our particular midwestern grocery store chain...yum
• instructions ~ I like instructions--even if I sometimes choose to ignore them

I guess I'll say that's enough for 'i' and hope that I get back into this blogging habit soon.


*Dr. Seuss

Big H, little h, what begins with H?

Hungry horse, hen in hat...H, h, H*

• House ~ I'm grateful that we have a house, a nice house, probably more house than we need.
• Home ~ But a house isn't the same as a home for me. We have a home, a place where there is love and family and togetherness.
• Home for my words ~ I'm grateful for this blog, for a place to write and how it has helped me connect with others.
• Help ~ It's hard for me to ask for help, but when it's offered in love, I'm grateful.
• Hands ~ When I think about it, it's pretty amazing what hands can do.
• Heat (but not HOT weather) ~ I am usually cold, so I'm grateful for some heat. But I'm not crazy about hot, humid weather. I'm thinking more about winter here and how grateful I am for our wood burner and how toasty warm our house can get.

*Dr. Seuss

Big G, little g, what begins with G?

Goat and goo-goo goggles, G..g..G*

I've been thinking about G for some time and actually have had quite a list in my head for the whole week since I last posted, but I had to make time today. A nerve was hit for me today and I know it shouldn't have been but it was. A woman going through unspeakable grief commented on a blog of hers a feeling she had when a bunch of us started doing this "ABCs" of gratitude thing. It feels fake and insincere to her--my words for how I read her...I own it that is my take on what she wrote. But it hit a nerve because maybe it started somewhat flippantly, but I am choosing to keep doing this because I need to. Writing is something that has always been life-giving and healing to me. And I have been wanting and needing to write, but not having the motivation to begin. Having a reason, a purpose, a silly tool of the alphabet is motivation. I feel stuck right now, and while it's not her unspeakable pain, it's my pain, my heartbreak, my need. And it helps me to focus on the good things, the things I'm grateful for so that I can think beyond the stuck-ness. And so...my list for G--in no particular order....

• Grace ~ on so many levels, mainly God's grace--grace that pours over and fills up and sustains and keeps me going even when I don't feel like it or even necessarily feel it, but also the simple grace extended by others...not minding that it took almost 2 weeks to return a phone call or the thoughtfulness of a door held
• Grief ~ really? especially after the opening paragraph? Yes. My grief may not be as dramatic or horrible as many others have experienced. But when I look at my circle of close friends, most have experienced very little grief. My dad died 22 years ago when I was not quite 10...rarely a day goes by that I don't experience grief. And that's not the only loss I've faced. And while I would gladly trade this grief for the people or situations that are unrepairable, having experienced what I have makes me a better pastor, better able to sit with death and grief and unanswered questions. And I am grateful for that.
• Giggles ~ particularly those of Baby Girl...why is it that baby giggles are so amazing?
• Gratitude ~ I'm grateful that my life is such that I can be grateful.

It seems that I had a much longer list in my head a few days ago when I didn't have the time. Ah, well. So it goes.

*Dr. Seuss

Big F, Little f, what begins with F?

Four fluffy feathers on a Fiffer-feffer-feff.*

• Freezers ~ I'm very grateful for freezers this week. I threw out my back on Monday, so having a frozen ice pack to use on a regular basis was a must. That--and for the quick, easy, frozen food!
• Flexibility ~ Again, back-related. I didn't think I was really flexible, but now that it hurts to bend certain ways, I am grateful for how flexible I am.
• Flexibility, in less physical terms ~ I am grateful for a flexible schedule. Though I must admit, I would be even more grateful if others could appreciate my flexible schedule. But I'm not dwelling on that--I'm being grateful here!
• Fingers ~ cute, sticky, little fingers and the realization of how much they can do now--of course, it's always all about Baby Girl!
• Friends ~ those with whom it's always possible to fall back into easy friendship, even if time has passed
• Freedom ~ can't really put this one into words

*Of course, it's Dr. Seuss.

Big E, Little E, what begins with E?

Ear, egg, elephant...E, e, E*

• Email ~ I have never, ever been a telephone person. I'm so glad to have email ~ especially for work stuff. I'd much rather send the email than make a call when possible.
  
• Electricity ~ I take it for granted, I know. E's a hard letter for me--guess that's why I thought of it.
• Elephants ~ I probably only thought of them because of Dr. Seuss, but they are pretty amazing creatures.
• Eyes and ears ~ do I really need to comment on this one?
  
• Evenings, especially ones with no meetings this time of year ~ I hate winter for lots of reasons, but primarily because it gets dark so early and I tend to have more meetings. I love having it be light after supper, with free time to decide how to spend. These days, it usually involves outside playtime, a bath, bed for baby, then tidying up the house. Sitting with a cool breeze blowing through the house, the house tidy, the sun gradually setting, time to read or blog or just relax, ahh...

*Thanks to Dr. Seuss

Big D, Little d, what begins with D?

Donuts and a duck-dog, D, d, D*

• Departure ~ of MIL this morning, meaning that tomorrow will be the first full 24 hour day that it's just my hubby, Baby Girl and me home since July 4. I am so ready. I am grateful for her help, and my mom's prior to that, but I'm done sharing my house. I'm a J on Myers-Briggs and I really like my order and don't like it messed with. My husband will tell me to get over it, but the big thing today is what I noticed while playing outside with Baby Girl this afternoon. My MIL (who always has to be doing...) decided to do some re-landscaping of my yard. Okay--if she'd asked, maybe. I don't have time to do lots of yard work; I'm trying to keep things alive that were here. I realize this, but what she did was move lots of the decorative rocks. I couldn't tell you where they all came from, but I do know that they are now covering all the spots where from up close you could see dirt. You know why you can see dirt in those spots? It's because that's where the spring flowers (like ALL the tulips) came through the beds of small rocks. Tulips are my favorites. Okay--venting over for now....this is supposed to be things I'm grateful for.
• D ~ my husband. He's a wonderful daddy and he's very caring. I know I sometimes take him for granted and I know sometimes I get annoyed. After a near week with MIL, it helps me remember some of the things he does he can't help. He's just like her in some things.
• Disposable diapers ~ I know...they are bad for the environment, expensive, etc. But for me, at this point in my life, it was worth it.
• Dishwasher ~ not only because I'm lazy and don't enjoy washing dishes, but because I love knowing that the dishes get clean and sanitized with very hot water.
• Dozing ~ Baby Girl was out of sorts when all left this morning, so I decided we'd snuggle for a bit and watch some TV. She fell asleep and thinking she wouldn't sleep long, I just snuggled with her and ended up dozing with her. She slept about an hour and I probably dozed 1/2 that time.
• Day off ~ Having a day off so I had that luxury. Though since she's down for her real nap, I should really do something that I need to accomplish--like message for Sunday or some laundry or a stack of papers....

*Thanks to Dr. Seuss

Big C, Little c, what begins with C?

Camels on the ceiling, C, c, C*

Today I'm grateful for:

• church ~ the body of Christ, the universal church, especially those times we live it out well
• communion ~ I'm such a Lutheran; sacraments are so important to me
• communion of saints ~ especially that "mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won"
• connections ~ of all sorts, especially with people
• colleagues ~ one in particular has been particularly helpful in my life in the last few days, but there are so many I'm grateful for
• cats ~ I've always been more of a cat person than a dog person. Perhaps it's because cats are more like me--fiercely independent, seem stand-offish and/or shy, but when they love you, they can't get enough attention
• cuddles ~ especially from a certain 14-month-old in my life
• china ~ two sets in particular, one handed down from my grandpa's cousin that has real gold leafing and one handed down from my mom
• C ~ my daddy...he's one major reason the communion of saints is so important for me. He's been gone for 22 years now, more than double the time I had to know him. He meant so much and I know how much he loved me. And I know we are connected. It doesn't always feel like enough, but it's all I have.

I'll think of more later; I know I will. I keep thinking of so many things for the past letters. Here's the beginning of that list: Advent, anticipation, baptism, books, blogs, boxes. (I mean really, how could I forget baptism, books, and blogs yesterday?)

*thanks to Dr. Seuss

Big B, little b, What Begins with B?

Barber, baby, bubbles, and a bumblebee*

• Babies ~ I wrote about my baby girl yesterday and I'm most grateful for her, but all babies give me so much hope. They remind me of possibilities and love and newness. There is nothing more precious to me that snuggling a tiny one.
• Breast milk ~ I am so grateful for these months that I have had plenty of breast milk to nourish my little one. I know everyone is not so lucky. Right now it is bittersweet as we are nearing being fully weaned -- just nursing once a day. I'll miss it when we are done completely.
• Boppies ~ These make nursing so much easier. I'm not sure I could have nursed so long without having one!
• Bed ~ I love to sleep. I'm grateful for a soft cozy bed and warm covers.
• Butterflies ~ I have a little card with a butterfly pin on that says this, "Butterflies are a reminder to us that the world flutters with new possibilities." I have it hanging near my desk. I often need the reminder!
• Bees ~ Though bees also terrify me a little bit, I love to look at the big fluffy ones that look like they'd be soft to touch. I also enjoy the fruits of the bee's labor, particularly honey.
• Bread ~ Fresh bread--nothing like it.
• Bananas ~ on the green side or in banana bread, or watching Baby Girl's excitement to have one to eat
• B, Baby Girl's beloved babysitter ~ While Baby Girl will go to a new daycare this fall, we are so blessed that Baby Girl was in B's wonderful and loving hands for so much of her first year. I will always be grateful for that.

*Thanks to Dr. Seuss