Thursday, August 08, 2013

Answers and Questions

The situation that was weighing most heavily on me has been resolved (mostly). I have my answer.

Which leads to a question:
Is God going to make good come out of the answer or did God direct us all to answer the question the way we did because that's what God wanted to happen?

I do go back on forth in answering this question--specifically related to this situation, but also in general. I was really struggling and hurting and praying and discerning and couldn't feel good about the choice I thought I was going to have to make. I trust God to make good things come out of and from any situation, this one included. And I can't believe that God is a puppet who directs us to only do certain things--I believe God gave us free will. And yet--I can't help but feel this was the 'right' answer.

I have my answer--an answer that I'm really completely fine with. I'm relieved even. And yet, there's some psychic weight to this situation--some feelings left unresolved, some concern and care for people involved, a bit of 'what might have been,' and a wish that I hadn't had to walk that road.

Answers--questions. It seems like one always leads to the other. I'm generally okay with ambiguity but right now I'm looking for some clarity, something solid. Something light and free because my heart and mind feel heavy and sluggish. I'm not who I want to be.