Preoccupation

I've begun this post about fourteen times. I want to post. I want this blog to be a place to write about what's going on for me and in me. I want to know that if people stop by to read, they'll find something.

But at the moment, everything seems to take so much effort. I'm emotionally exhausted--mostly from trying to hide the fact that I'm emotionally exhausted and preoccupied.

A few posts ago (http://homeforwords.blogspot.com/2007/07/two-letters.html), I wondered about which letter to send. I decided. And I think it's right. I decided, after tons of conversation with my husband, to proceed with the potential call process. But the problem is the waiting. The congregation is not going to vote for another two weeks--and I can't tell very many people. That preoccupies my thoughts. That and the fact that I really need to leave this place. It's no longer good for me. It was, it has been, but it's not now. And I really hate to say it because I do love the people here, but I can't keep this up.

There's so much more to say, so much going on, but I just can't now.

Cricket Torture

When I was in high school and during summers home from college, I worked at my hometown public library. This library owned a copy of the lovely Eric Carle book entitled The Very Quiet Cricket. The cricket in that book was anything but quiet. It was supposed to chirp only when the book was held open. However, it chirped constantly. Unless, of course, you found the book, opened it, and slammed it shut really, really hard. It seemed that this job often fell to me. And, it was in fact, rather fun to search out the sound and find the book. (Children's picture books were in bins--supposedly by the first letter of the author's last name. They were often not in the "right" place because kids had rummaged through them.)

I wish this cricket was as easy to silence. I have a cricket chirping in my office. I can find its general vicinity. If I could find it, I'd take it outside. I'd even leave it here...if it would just be quiet! It started late this morning--I decided to leave early for lunch. It has resumed now--guess it's time to leave for today!

If it starts again tomorrow...well, I'm not sure what I'll do. Hopefully it will have found a new home by then.

Two Letters

Which one should I send? (Okay, somewhat obviously, these are rough drafts and details will be filled in as the decision is made. But I really feel that I need to have a pretty good idea before Monday as we are going to some serious planning for this school year and if I might be leaving, it makes a big difference.) Enough commentary...

Letter #1
Dear beloved people of Current Congregation,

It is with thankfulness that I write this letter to you. I want to thank you for the past four years. It was with your support and love that I was transformed from a scared seminarian to a confident pastor. I have learned so much in this time with you. We've shared joyful times and difficult ones. We've worshiped God together. We've learned and we've laughed.
I believe with my whole heart that being called to this place was God's intention for me. I was called by you as a congregation to lead you for this time, but the time as come for me to lead another part of the body of Christ.
I have accepted a call to another congregation. My last day here with you will be....


Letter #2
Dear Call Committee of Potential Place,

I want to thank you for the time you have spent with me and for your confidence in me. I am honored and pleased that you believe I have the gifts to be your next pastor. I was pleased to meet all of you and believe that your congregation is a lovely place. However, after significant time spent in prayer and in conversation with many people who I trust, I feel that I must withdraw my name from your process.
I pray that God will lead the right person to you. You will be in my prayers.

Wow--both of these sounded different in my head and now I can't write either of them. I can't write a good-bye letter to my current congregation even though I want so badly to be gone. I can't write a letter withdrawing my name from a place that wants me, but that's in a place my husband does not want to go and would require us to live in two households for at least many months. All I want to know is what the right thing to do is...and I don't know.

Anniversaries and Elusive Happiness

This time of year is like an emotional minefield for me, never knowing quite how the days will pass, never knowing what might unleash a torrent of unavoidable tears, not knowing if the days might pass in a simple silent remembrance or an almost forgotten whisper.

These days are anniversaries. Friday was the anniversary of my dad's death. This year marks 20 years. He was 55. I was 9. He was too young; so was I. Saturday was the anniversary of the visitation. And today, today is the anniversary of my dad's funeral. And also, what would have been my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. (Yes, his funeral was on their 20th wedding anniversary. He knew it would be--he had said that he'd either die or we'd have the funeral that day when he was sent home two weeks earlier with oxygen, pain medication, and the reality that this was the end of the treatment and the end of this life. I almost wrote sent home without hope, but that's not true. We had lots of hope--hope for a miracle, and also hope for fulfillment of God's promises.)

Some years these anniversaries aren't so bad--sometimes they aren't so good. This year, not so good. I did a wedding on Friday and another was here on Saturday. A lovely couple celebrated their anniversary today and provided flowers. And all these pointed to my dad, pointed to my family. And I wanted to cry.

And Saturday I received a letter I didn't want to get. And I didn't realize how much I wanted things to turn out differently. I interviewed at a congregation not too far away from here. It would require a move--but a move that would be closer to my (step)kids and a move that would allow my husband to keep his current job and commute. I wasn't really sure this was the place for me, but I wanted it to be. I didn't want to hear that a congregation didn't want me--or at least didn't want to talk to me one more time or hear me preach or... I didn't realize how much this would hurt.

And in response, I ended up fighting with my husband, crying and asking only to be left alone. I ended up feeling alone and lonely and sad and hurtful and like happiness was not mine to have. And I know that's not fair. We worked it out and went to bed okay with each other. But still I woke up in the night and lay there for an hour--very unlike me--unsure of where to go from here.

Today, this evening, I feel like happiness is less elusive, but I'm still sad. I'm still tired. I still don't know where to go next. But I'll take today. I'll face tomorrow and go from there. Not much else that I can do.

An Unnamed Woman ~ Luke 7:36-50

My first instinct was to post this asking for thoughts, comments, and responses about whether this will work as my sermon this weekend, but realized that it's what I'm using anyhow, since I won't have time to come up with anything else. So...I still crave thoughts, comments, and responses, just please don't tell me it won't work as my sermon!

I must admit that today’s gospel lesson is one of my favorites. Sure, we don’t know much about the woman in this passage. She’s unnamed. We don’t know if she’s old or young, married or single, mother or not. The only descriptor used for her is sinner. Many have speculated about her identity, trying to make assumptions about what this means exactly or what woman named elsewhere she might be. But the truth is we don’t know. All we do know is recorded in these few short verses.

But somehow this woman’s story resonates with me. She is a sinner who weeps at Jesus’ feet and walks away forgiven. Sounds an awful lot like my story; sounds an awful lot like our story. When we gather for worship, we live this story. We confess our sin, come to the feet of Jesus at his table, receive his body and blood, and walk away forgiven. So, travel back with me to that Pharisee’s house, to that dinner with Jesus. Indulge me as I tell this woman’s story as my own, as I put words in her mouth and speak as if I know the story of her life. Put yourself in her place too; allow yourself to feel as if you are the one speaking. If it’s helpful to you, feel free to close your eyes. Either way, listen to this unnamed woman’s story—this story that is our story too.



I was aware of how sinful I was. I had made many bad choices. Often, it seemed that I could do nothing right. No matter what my good intentions were, I still sinned. Of course, there were times when I did good things or made good choices. However, some people just could not see that in me. All they were willing or able to see were the bad things that I had done. Why could they not see the good in me? Was there really so little? I knew that some of my choices had been contrary to God’s commands. I knew that. I did not need to be reminded of each and every sinful thing that I had ever done. There was nothing I could do to erase the past. If I could have made changes in the things I had done, I would have. But the past was gone and over. If only others could see that this was so, maybe I could do better in the future. It was so hard to do good when no one expected that of me.

And so I came to Jesus. I knew that coming to Jesus was the only way that I could move forward in my life. Maybe he would have pity on me. Maybe he would have mercy on me. I had heard that Jesus accepted all kinds of people. He even ate with many evil people. Maybe, just maybe, he would not turn me away. He would look at me and see me—not all the terrible things that I have done in my life.

But what if he didn’t? What if he was no different than all the rest? What if I had done too many horrible things? What if he couldn’t look past them? I remembered all my bad choices and all I could do was cry when I came near to him. I fell at his feet and wept, wept for all the terrible things that I had ever done, wept in sorrow for alienating myself from everyone by the choices that I had made, wept in the fear that Jesus would tell me to go away and call me a sinner just as all those gathered around him did. I did the only thing I could do. I used my tears to wash Jesus’ feet. I dried the tears from his feet with my hair. I could hear the people all around us telling Jesus how terrible I was and how he should not be letting himself be touched by such a horrible person. I tried my hardest to ignore them as I continued my task of washing Jesus’ feet. I touched his feet with all the love that I had in me. I knew that showing Jesus my love and repentance was the only thing that I had, the only thing that I could give of myself amidst the truth of the terrible things they said. The only gift I had to give to this magnificent Jesus was myself—my poor, broken, sinful self.

And then, the most amazing thing happened! Jesus accepted the gift of myself! Jesus said to me, “Your sins are forgiven.” I couldn’t help but to hope for forgiveness when I came to Jesus, but I was realistic not to expect it. I surely did not deserve it. The joy that filled my being when Jesus offered me forgiveness is indescribable. Jesus forgave me! Jesus did not listen to the voices that were more than willing to condemn me. Jesus’ voice was the one that echoed in my head. “Your sins are forgiven.” I could leave that place with my head held high. I was forgiven. Yes, I was sinful and would always make mistakes, but more important than that was that I was forgiven.

And so now, when I make a mistake, when I sin, I remember the words Jesus spoke to me. “Your sins are forgiven.” I remember Jesus and the hope he gave me. I am able to live my life without the weight of my sinful self constantly bearing down on me. I can live in the joy of forgiveness. And I’m still learning what that means for my life. Each day brings new challenges, new thoughts, new opportunities. Each day is a new day to live in the joy of forgiveness, to lift my head and tackle whatever comes my way. Each day gives me a chance to share this joy with others and to live into this promise. Each day is a new chance to live into the joy of Jesus’ forgiveness.

Amen.

Making Space

The heaviness of winter’s air is starting to lift
The promise of spring looms in front of me
The darkness of the night makes way for the light of day
Outside spring is in full force
Outside the sun shines brightly
But inside, I’m making space
Opening my heart to the promise of a springtime in my life
Waiting for the new thing
Anticipating what lies ahead
Knowing that I can face the remaining days of cold and darkness

Friday Five ~ Dental Edition

1. Are you a regular patron of dentists' offices? Or, do you go
a) faithfully, as long as you have insurance, or
b) every few years or so, whether you need it or not, or
c) dentist? what is this "dentist" thing you speak of?
I hate to admit it, but c. I really, really, really hate going to the dentist. So much that I haven't found a dentist in the four years that I've had insurance that would cover it. In the years I didn't have dental insurance, it didn't make me sad to not go.

2. Whatever became of your wisdom teeth?
All four are now gone. While in college, I had oral surgery to remove them as all four were impacted and some were growing into my sinus cavities. I think surgery was better than pulling would have been. At least I got to be put under! In recovering, I did have dry sockets that hurt a lot! Ibuprofen became my best friend along with mashed potatoes and other soft food.

3. Favorite thing to eat that's BAAAAAD for your teeth.
I like sugary caffeinated carbonated beverages--like Pepsi. But I'm working on cutting all that out.

4. Ever had oral surgery?
See number 2.

5. "I'd rather have a root canal than _________________."
I've never had a root canal...but I don't know anything worse than any dental procedure, so I guess I'll leave this blank.

Bonus: Does your dentist recommend Trident?
Since I don't have a dentist...guess I can't answer this one either.


Okay, okay, I'll find a dentist! Soon. I think.

Friday Five ~ "Clergy Superbowl" Edition

1. Will this Sunday be Palms only, Passion only, or hyphenated?
Hyphenated. We'll read the Palm Sunday reading early in the service and later use the Passion narrative (read in a 'reader's theater' kind of way) as the gospel reading/sermon. First year we've done that here--basically because senior pastor doesn't want to write a sermon this year. Not because it's part of some master plan for a meaningful Holy Week. Okay--no more venting (in this post anyway).

2. Maundy Thursday Footwashing: Discuss.
As much as I don't like footwashing because I simply hate feet, I think it can be done well. I have been on both sides--the washee and the washer. It was hard to be the washee, not because my pastor (I was a teen at the time) was washing my feet, but because the rest of the congregation was watching. What kind of look was I supposed to have? I don't like people touching my feet--could I grimace? Should I smile? What should I be feeling? On the other hand, I've only be the washer once--while in seminary doing field ed. In this particular case, the people whose feet we washed were two little children, who had not yet been baptized. That was meaningful for me...that God still loved, served, gave his life for these lovely children...and this water was just water, but a sign to me of the promise that was to come for them in the waters of baptism.

3. Share a particularly meaningful Good Friday worship experience.
The tradition of my family growing up was always meaningful. At noon (or early afternoon), we went to a service at another Lutheran church in our town. They had a statue(? It hung from the ceiling, so I'm not sure of the right word.) of Jesus that was above the altar in the center of their sanctuary (in the round). I don't recall any outside windows, so even though it was mid-day, it was dark. As we heard the story once again, the lights were dimmed and gradually, a black veil was lifted to cover Jesus. We left in darkness and silence. Then, we would often go back to our own congregation for an evening tenebrae service, particularly meaningful when I didn't expect the Bible or a door to be slammed shut. I think the most meaningful aspect though of Good Friday for me remains the leaving in darkness and silence. Even as the leader, that's how I want the service to end. I don't want to be asked a question that can wait until another day; I don't want to make small talk. I want to spend one evening totally focused on Jesus and what he gave up for us.

4. Easter Sunrise Services--choose one:a) "Resurrection tradition par excellence!"b) "Eh. As long as it's sunrise with coffee, I can live with it."c) "[Yawn] Can't Jesus stay in the tomb just five more minutes, Mom?!?"
A!! I'm not a morning person; every other Sunday, I'm snuggled under my covers convincing myself that I really don't need that extra five minutes to get ready. The bed is so much more important. But on Easter Sunday--I want to start the celebration in the dark, bleary eyed and slow moving as I get ready. I want to be one of the first to the church, where I am greeted with semi-darkness and the overwhelming first smell of the Easter lilies as I open the door. I want to greet other bleary eyed travelers on this faith journey and share the amazement that Christ is risen. I want to worship in joy and celebration and gradually increasing light.

5. Complete this sentence: It just isn't Easter without...
Greeting people with this phrase..."Christ is risen!" and being greeted in reply with "He is risen indeed. Alleluia!" I'm still working at training this congregation in this habit; it makes me so sad to not have this.

Bonus: Any Easter Vigil aficionados out there? Please share.
I've only been to very modified Easter vigils that I've led, using a set-up that was given to me as to what was done in the past. I'd like to attend one, and one done really well, so I have a good frame of reference.

Biblical Literacy, Biblical Fluency, and Beautiful Words

I’m not convinced that my words will come together as eloquently as I’d wish, but I’m going to give it a try. In the past few months, I have attended a number of workshops and retreats and pieces of each have come together in a variety of ways.

One of the things we church leaders (as least in my denomination) often speak of is biblical illiteracy, a lack of biblical knowledge, of people not knowing the Bible. While the speaker I heard wouldn’t disagree, I don’t think, he made a distinction between literacy and fluency.

The comparison is learning a language. It is possible to be fluent before being literate. A first stage is recognizing the language when it is spoken around you. Then, you can pick out a few words. Later, you can understand it when it’s spoken. Then you can speak it. And eventually, you can learn to read and write it. For example, think of how you learned your first language. You were probably fluent before you were literate, though you continued learning.

Anyway, so what if the problem in many of our churches is not so much biblical literacy as biblical fluency? We don’t even recognize the language when it is spoken around us. And the only solution is hearing and absorbing the language of the Bible.

On another note, lately I’ve been listening to books on CD, surrounding myself with beautiful words. This started when I was driving many hours each week. But this habit has continued, even if it’s only a few moments in the car on my way to work or home.

And so, this Lenten season, I’m surrounding myself with beautiful words—the beautiful words of the Bible. While, in the grand scheme of things, my biblical fluency is pretty high, as is my biblical literacy, it really can’t hurt to increase both or surround myself with these beautiful words.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five

1. What is one place you make sure to take out-of-town guests when they visit? (you can be vague to preserve your anonymity if you like)
There isn't one--at least that I've found in the four or so years I've lived here.

2. When visiting another city or town, do you try to cram as much in as possible, or take it slow and easy?
When visiting another city, there are usually certain things that I want to see and make an effort to do so. Sometimes it means cramming a lot in. Other times it's slow and easy.

3. When traveling, where are we most likely to find you: strolling through a museum, checking out the local shopping, or _________________?
Strolling through a museum...or checking out local restaurants, I guess.

4. Do you like organized tours and/or carefully planned itineraries, or would you rather strike out and just see what happens?
I like plans and organization. But I don't want every minute structured either.

5. After an extended trip, what do you find yourself craving most about home?
I miss my own pillow, my own bed, my own shower. I crave the ability to not live out of a suitcase.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five

It's been a very full, busy week. Here's the F5, short and sweet.

The questions are simple, the answers unlimited. Go!

Who Director of Youth and Family Ministry, my friend

What turned in her letter of resignation

When yesterday

Where at my congregation

Why because she got a different job and she has been unhappy here

Bonus: How it makes me feel? Very happy for her. Mixed feelings for me. I'm sad because I'll really miss her. We really helped support each other, both in terms of helping each other out when need be, but also to encourage each other through the challenges of relating with senior pastor. I'm relieved, because I will no longer be in the middle between her and senior pastor, even when they didn't intentionally put me there. I'm motivated because it's part of the push I needed to work on completing the paperwork required to make myself available for a different call. I'm worried about what additional stuff I'm going to have to take on in the near future. But most of all, I'm going to miss her.

What Accuracy!

You Are 0% Extrovert, 100% Introvert

You avoid people at all costs You aren't one for social interaction And you limit your interaction to a select few Thank God for self checkout!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Here's to Becoming Healthier?

I'm not really much of a resolution maker, at least not particularly in relationship to the beginning of a new year. But this year, my husband and I decided that we need to be healthier. Neither of us are horribly unhealthy; we don't get sick much or have major health problems. Both of us are a few pounds overweight, but not outrageously so. We both want our clothes to fit right again.

So this is what we've tried to do:
1. Eliminate the beloved Pepsi products from our life. (Neither of us can drink diet and I'm at high risk for osteoporosis which caffeine and carbonation are bad for. The only thing going for me is that I don't and have never smoked.)
2. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
3. Eat at home more so that we eat less fat, grease, and otherwise bad for you stuff.
4. Exercise every day.

We started on January 2nd and have done fairly well.

I've had these results:
1. A sore throat and snuffly nose
2. A headache just about every day
3. An upset tummy the past few days
4. A back so out of whack that it will take at least 3 visits to the chiropractor this week to get me straightened out. (The shooty, tingling pain down the leg is no good.)

So--am I becoming healthier? Or should I go back to eating unhealthfully and being a slug?

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five

Okay--it's a new year, time to try something new...my first foray into the Friday Five!

1. "It's my party and I'll [blank] if I want to..."
Favorite way to celebrate your birthday (dinner with family? party with friends? a day in solitude?)
I want to be able to celebrate with my family. A nice dinner sounds good. My husband remembering the day is also helpful. (In his defense, he remembers, he's usually just a day early. The only time he's ever early!)

2. "You say it's your birthday... it's my birthday too, yeah..."
Do you share your birthday with someone famous?
Maria Montessori ~ I thought that was especially cool when I was in early childhood education classes.
Debbie Gibson ~ This was even cooler when I was in junior high and she was big.

3. "Lordy Lordy look who's forty..."
Milestone birthdays:
a) just like any other birthday--they're just numbers, people.
b) a good opportunity to look back/take stock
c) enjoy the black balloons--I'll be hiding under a pile of coats until the day is over
d) some combination of the above, or something else entirely.
A, I guess. The milestones I've hit haven't seemed a big deal. Ask next year.

4. "Happy birthday, dear... Customer..."
Have you ever been sung to in a restaurant? Fun or cringe-worthy?
I know I have...must have been somewhat cringe-worthy. Otherwise I'd have better memories of it.

5. "Take my birthday--please"
Tell me one advantage and one disadvantage about your particular birthday (e.g. birthday in the summer--never had to go to school; birthday near Christmas--the dreaded joint presents)
EDITED TO ADD: This could also simply be something you like/dislike about your birthday (e.g. I like sharing a birthday with my best friend, etc.).
Disadvantage ~ It seems that my birthday always falls on a weekday, which means school or work. And, more often than not, this now means that I often have to work in the evening which eliminates the spending time with my family that day.
Advantage ~ My best friend and I share a birthday, which is cool. Our moms shared a hospital room when we were born. She's two hours older. We ended up not meeting until junior high but became instant friends that have stood the test of time.

Good News

Preaching to me is all about good news, or it should be. If I haven't heard some good news about what God has done, is doing, or will do, it's not a sermon. It may be a nice talk or a good speech, or something, but it's not a sermon. It's not proclamation.

And, I believe that the good news of God transcends many things and comes to us in many ways. But the coolest thing recently is that I heard a sermon that transcended even language!

I took four years of high school German and one year in college. That was about 10 years ago, but I had a chance to go to a German Christmas service and hear my friend Jess preach in German. And I got it!! Okay, so I got enough of it from the German to know in my heart that it was good news. And then when I read it in English, that was confirmed.

And, I'm sure I'll steal (I mean borrow and share) some of the ideas for my Christmas Eve sermon.

Thank you, Jess!

(I'd make a link for you if I knew how!)

Christmas Decorations

So the pastor that I work with is obsessed with decorating. Outdoor lights galore, three trees at home, decorations in his office. And I'm pretty much the other extreme. Let's just say I'm a minimalist. I do have some indoor decorations at home, half of which are up because by the time Easter rolled around last year and they were still up, I decided to embrace it and leave them up all year. We don't yet have a Christmas tree and even discussed whether or not to get one. But since we are hosting Christmas for my husband's family this year, we decided we should put one up. I've been thinking a lot about this and wondering if I'm a scrooge or what.

Some of my favorite childhood memories involve decorating the house for Christmas--music coming from the 8-track player (particularly Silver Bells and All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth), the smell of cookies baking, pulling out the boxes of ornaments and telling the story of each as we put them on the tree, often in pairs (one set for my sister and one set for me).

So, when I think about these memories, I realize that the reason decorations aren't a priority for me is that I have no desire to do them alone. It's something that I want to do with others, with those I love, with people who care about the memories of the ornaments, or appreciate the sappy, silly, or cheesy Christmas songs playing. As much as I love my husband, this isn't something that he seems to care about. If I want to decorate, the response is "whatever you want" or "go ahead." Not good enough, not worth it. Christmas will come; Christ will be born. I'll get to celebrate at worship, singing Silent Night by candlelight and this year I'll even get to preach, to proclaim Christ again among us. That's better than trees and lights and ornaments.

Who I Am (aka Thanksgiving with my family)

So I read this quote in response to some Biblical text and while it didn't fit the theme of where my sermon was headed that week, it just grabbed me and wouldn't let go.

"It is in the reciting of our history, salvation history, that we are reminded of who God is and who we are in response to God." ~ Adele Stiles Resmer

I agree with this author, though I couldn't have said it nearly so eloquently. This quote points to the recitation of the history of what God has done from the beginning of time, not just in our lives, but also then who we are as God's people. It happens over and over in the Bible. The Israelites lose their way in the desert and they are reminded of all God has done to and for them to that point. Every time we Christians gather in worship, we recount the story of salvation history in some shape or form--pointing to what God has done in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And in that, we learn who we are in response to God. And we can see that it's bigger than just me, or even just my immediate family, it's from the beginning of time. Profound in its own right.

So...why is this post subtitled "aka Thanksgiving with my family"? Because, I think this quote--though tweaked--is relevant. Try this out: "It is in the reciting of our history, our family history, that we are reminded of who our family is and who we our in response to our family." It is in hearing where we've come from and what we've shared and the people who came before us that reminds us who we are and continues to shape us into who we become.

We didn't tell too many family stories this Thanksgiving, but there were some told and some just remembered. We told of the time "I drown-ded" (my words) when I was about five and fell in the lake trying to help my sister. We told about the Christmas that was 60 degrees so the promised sleigh ride turned into a wagon ride at the farm of the family friends whose dog always looked both ways before crossing the street. We told about the time(s) we told my grandpa we were having chicken for Thanksgiving dinner because he didn't like turkey. And I thought of many others--the stories of my great-grandparents who came to this country in search of a better life--stories that shaped me even though I never knew them as people. These stories surround me, shape me, uplift me, remind me of who I am.

Relatively Speaking

One of the things I love about being a pastor is this...(please read sarcasm here)...two members of the same family wanting to come visit with me about things going on in their lives and how that includes having difficulty with the other said family member. I've met with one so far and have an appointment with the other later this month. The one later is a lunch date; something that we do every few months or so. We are pretty close in age, so are going out for lunch more as friends than pastor/parishioner. But I'm still the pastor and realize that this is a fine line to walk. Should be interesting...

Wedding Reflections

Before I became a pastor, I was involved in a grand total of two weddings. The very first wedding was my own. The second was my sister's; I was the matron of honor/only female wedding party member/personal attendant. Our weddings were very similar in some ways and very different in others. But both were small.

Now as a pastor, I've been involved in a number of weddings ~ from very small (the couple, their children as attendants, and immediate family) to one this weekend (7 attendants on each side, plus a flower girl and ring bearer). I do meet with couples for three sessions before the wedding--to talk about common issues that couples encounter and about the ceremony itself and often to allow me to get to know the couple. Many of these are people who are not active or involved in the church; some have parents or grandparents who are. Rarely do we have weddings for non-members, due to a policy established before I came to this congregation.

At each wedding though, I have wondered why the couple has come to the church for the wedding though. And I do ask that question in my sessions. For many, the answer is tradition or it's important to my family. Some do say that they do have a faith background and for a step such as marriage, they want to recognize God's involvement in it.

Either way, though, I find it hard to preach at weddings. I know the bride and groom aren't listening very closely...let's be honest. I don't know most of the people gathered. I can't even see them...I stand at the altar with the bride and groom facing me and I'm short, so I can't see over them and it's sometimes difficult to see around attendants. I guess I can only hope that proclaiming the good news of God touches someone each time. I just have to proclaim and let it go. Easier said than done.

Did I ever mention that I'm a "J"?

In the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator scale, I always test as a "J" ~ a judger versus a perceiver. This means I like things like order, structure, details, organization. These things are true of me. Not only do I like these things, but I do them fairly well. It makes me happier and less stressed out. So, why write about this?

Because while I love plenty of non-J's, a group of them should not be in charge of a massive gathering that requires things like: organization, details, structures, order--especially if they are asking others to be the hosts of such a gathering.

Such was the case this weekend. My congregation was asked to host a gathering for close to 200 people, which is about what our sanctuary can hold. We were gradually given bits and pieces of things we needed to know from about four different people. Even so, it was not nearly enough for me to be happy or satisfied with the process. And, I believe, it made us as a congregation look disorganized and unprepared. Which is somewhat true, but only because we were not given the information we needed. I didn't think to ask too many questions in advance...I didn't even know what questions to ask. Also, it wasn't "my" project--it was my colleagues. And while he might be more "J" than some of the planners of this event, he's not nearly as "J"-like as me and didn't get the appropriate information either.

So...the moral of this story:
I need to prepare for any event that will happen at my congregation, whether I've been the one working on the project or not. And I need to ask lots of questions!

And, for all you non-J's out there:
If you need to be in charge of a massive gathering, please ask a loving and caring "J" to help you think through all the details and organization!