I've begun this post about fourteen times. I want to post. I want this blog to be a place to write about what's going on for me and in me. I want to know that if people stop by to read, they'll find something.
But at the moment, everything seems to take so much effort. I'm emotionally exhausted--mostly from trying to hide the fact that I'm emotionally exhausted and preoccupied.
A few posts ago (http://homeforwords.blogspot.com/2007/07/two-letters.html), I wondered about which letter to send. I decided. And I think it's right. I decided, after tons of conversation with my husband, to proceed with the potential call process. But the problem is the waiting. The congregation is not going to vote for another two weeks--and I can't tell very many people. That preoccupies my thoughts. That and the fact that I really need to leave this place. It's no longer good for me. It was, it has been, but it's not now. And I really hate to say it because I do love the people here, but I can't keep this up.
There's so much more to say, so much going on, but I just can't now.
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1 comment:
Living in ambiguity is perhaps the hardest thing. If I might be presumptuous....something I often tell my clients is to give themselves permission to be ok with whatever they are feeling, and emotionally exhausted and preoccupied seems pretty reasonable at this point. My prayers for you and your husband in this time of waiting.
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