Sunday, April 24, 2011
Milestone Two ~ Easter Morning
Made it! Baby has definitely dropped. Hubby's prediction is Wednesday, when I go see the doctor next. Now, the only things to avoid are step-daughter's high school graduation (May 22) and her final senior recital stuff (May 17). I'm still pretty sure I'll be early, so these should not be a problem as the 17th is my due date.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Easter Sermon
I'm ready for the next two days (Maundy Thursday and Good Friday), but not yet for Easter. Babies and new life are quite obviously on my brain--at least not in my arms! :)
Aside: I saw my doctor for my 36 week appointment on Tuesday. Usually a cervical check is done at that appointment, but since that can stimulate labor, she suggested waiting a week as she knew I want to get through Easter for sure! There was no real medical reason to do one right then as my blood pressure is good, I'm measuring okay even if big, I haven't had real contractions, etc. So that will come next week.
Anyway, back to the original post...As I look at Matthew's version of this story, I am seeing so many things that I could relate to pregnancy--and this phase of it in particular. And maybe that's a sermon I'll need to write for me...or a blog post or something...or maybe an article for Fidela's Sisters but I just don't think I can write it for this audience. I don't know enough people's stories. I feel like it would have the potential to cause more pain than it should if there are people who are struggling/have struggled with infertility or not having children by choice and later regretting it or people who just can't relate because they don't have children or are men or... And I don't want to get it written and then feel that way.
And my 36 week pregnant self is tired! So I'm copping out...I'm going to re-work an old Easter sermon (not preached here) and call it good. I hope. Now to work on it!
Aside: I saw my doctor for my 36 week appointment on Tuesday. Usually a cervical check is done at that appointment, but since that can stimulate labor, she suggested waiting a week as she knew I want to get through Easter for sure! There was no real medical reason to do one right then as my blood pressure is good, I'm measuring okay even if big, I haven't had real contractions, etc. So that will come next week.
Anyway, back to the original post...As I look at Matthew's version of this story, I am seeing so many things that I could relate to pregnancy--and this phase of it in particular. And maybe that's a sermon I'll need to write for me...or a blog post or something...or maybe an article for Fidela's Sisters but I just don't think I can write it for this audience. I don't know enough people's stories. I feel like it would have the potential to cause more pain than it should if there are people who are struggling/have struggled with infertility or not having children by choice and later regretting it or people who just can't relate because they don't have children or are men or... And I don't want to get it written and then feel that way.
And my 36 week pregnant self is tired! So I'm copping out...I'm going to re-work an old Easter sermon (not preached here) and call it good. I hope. Now to work on it!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Milestone One
Today is the exact gestational age Baby Girl was when she was born. No signs of this baby! HOORAY! It's Holy Week after all; I have lots to do. I keep telling the baby, "just till after Easter, baby--then we can talk." I'm also doing lots of preparing--I figure the more I have ready, the less likely I am to need it. I'm also avoiding all those old wives tales that are to stimulate labor--I'm taking no chances. I see the doctor on Tuesday, so we'll see how things are going then. But I'm just happy to be to this point!
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Potty Progress
I'm so proud of Baby Girl. We've been working seriously on using the potty for about two weeks now. She does so well! We've had very few accidents after the first 2 days--she still often wants to use pull-ups, which is okay, but we are working on using big girl underwear. (Except at night and naptime--I'm just not ready for loads of sheets!) She gets a piece of candy for using the potty on her own (if she remembers the candy--which isn't always). I haven't figured out how/when we'll break that, but I'm not worried about that yet! She still fights pooping and won't do that on the potty yet, so that's next on the potty agenda. I'm so very glad she's doing so well. Even if this is as far as we get before baby comes, I'm feeling much better about this aspect of parenting two!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Ten on Tuesday
1. I really am big this time around! Up until this week's appointment, I've measured right on track. Yesterday (one day shy of 32 weeks), I measured at 35 weeks. The doctor said it could just be how the baby is laying. If I continue to grow exponentially at this rate at my next appointment in two weeks, she will order an ultrasound. Last time, it was at my 34 week appointment that I measured big and she ordered one. All was fine and Baby Girl was born 2 days shy of 2 weeks after that appointment.
2. 2 days shy of 36 weeks will be Palm Sunday. NO, NO, NO! I really want to get through Holy Week. I have 'fun' things planned, meaningful worship experiences that I want to lead. I have someone on-call who can do it, but...
3. Baby Girl is so cute now in her interaction with the baby. She 'plays patty-cake' with my tummy, hugs it and tells the baby she loves it. I'm hoping the infatuation continues once the baby is actually here!
4. Baby Girl has also decided to fully descend into the terrible 2s/3s. But really, she's not that bad. We are just having to do more time-outs and deal with more melt-downs. It'll be okay.
5. Baby Girl has also decided to not sleep through the night anymore. It's not quite so bad when she just shows up in our room and we put her in our bed. But between her getting up and waiting until I show up in her room and the amount of times I'm up in a night to use the bathroom--ugh! I'm not ready for the sleep deprivation of newbornhood. I hope Baby Girl decides that Daddy will be good enough in the night from here on out!
6. We, perhaps foolishly, are trying to build a 'big girl' bed for Baby Girl. It's a bunkbed that looks like a house. There's room for a twin mattress up top (which we won't actully get or use until she's old enough to actually sleep up there--we'll just play up there for now) and can be either used with a twin or full below. We'll be using a full below so that one of us can lay with her if need be.
7. This will mean she'll move to a different bedroom and the room she picked out as her room before we even bought the house will be for the baby.
8. The walls are a sort of pink--dark coral. Hubby asked, "if it's a boy, will we paint?" I said, "not at first." We can get some wall decals or something at first. I think if we add blue accents it'd be fine.
9. We are washing all the tiny clothes--I can't believe how tiny Baby Girl was. It's hard to imagine! It is starting to get real--and there is so much to do!
10. Can't just leave it at 9, so here's 10...must get back to tomorrow's sermon. Thanks to Teri at Clever Title Here for her willingness to share with me so I'm not starting from nothing!
2. 2 days shy of 36 weeks will be Palm Sunday. NO, NO, NO! I really want to get through Holy Week. I have 'fun' things planned, meaningful worship experiences that I want to lead. I have someone on-call who can do it, but...
3. Baby Girl is so cute now in her interaction with the baby. She 'plays patty-cake' with my tummy, hugs it and tells the baby she loves it. I'm hoping the infatuation continues once the baby is actually here!
4. Baby Girl has also decided to fully descend into the terrible 2s/3s. But really, she's not that bad. We are just having to do more time-outs and deal with more melt-downs. It'll be okay.
5. Baby Girl has also decided to not sleep through the night anymore. It's not quite so bad when she just shows up in our room and we put her in our bed. But between her getting up and waiting until I show up in her room and the amount of times I'm up in a night to use the bathroom--ugh! I'm not ready for the sleep deprivation of newbornhood. I hope Baby Girl decides that Daddy will be good enough in the night from here on out!
6. We, perhaps foolishly, are trying to build a 'big girl' bed for Baby Girl. It's a bunkbed that looks like a house. There's room for a twin mattress up top (which we won't actully get or use until she's old enough to actually sleep up there--we'll just play up there for now) and can be either used with a twin or full below. We'll be using a full below so that one of us can lay with her if need be.
7. This will mean she'll move to a different bedroom and the room she picked out as her room before we even bought the house will be for the baby.
8. The walls are a sort of pink--dark coral. Hubby asked, "if it's a boy, will we paint?" I said, "not at first." We can get some wall decals or something at first. I think if we add blue accents it'd be fine.
9. We are washing all the tiny clothes--I can't believe how tiny Baby Girl was. It's hard to imagine! It is starting to get real--and there is so much to do!
10. Can't just leave it at 9, so here's 10...must get back to tomorrow's sermon. Thanks to Teri at Clever Title Here for her willingness to share with me so I'm not starting from nothing!
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Big
Big...belly ~ I feel so much bigger this time around. I also find myself comparing how big I was or how I felt at this time of year 3 years ago, but constantly have to remind myself that's not fair. Baby Girl was born in May (the 31st) but her due date was June 30. So even though this little one is due in May (and hopefully will be born in that month), I'm really 6 weeks farther along. So I should be bigger. And from what I understand, second time mommies get bigger faster. At every doctor's appointment, I'm measuring right on track. (Actually at the last appointment, I was measuring 1/2 week behind.) So I guess I just feel big.
Big...snow ~ 15 inches they said on the news between yesterday afternoon and this morning. Lots of high winds and blowing. Everything closed today and much closed tomorrow as well. I don't mind not getting out all that much, but we all get along better if hubby and Baby Girl get chances to go out.
Big...wuss ~ From what I hear, it's lots of men and I don't know that for sure, but I know it's true for hubby. He's sick--which means he has a cold. His head hurts and he feels like doing nothing. So he doesn't. But I still have work to do and I really need him to play with Baby Girl at least a little bit. If I felt like he looks and sounds, he would still expect me to be doing my normal stuff. I'm frustrated.
Edited on Thursday--okay, he's more sick than yesterday started. He has chills and fever so can't do as much, but that still didn't hit right away. So, now the question as he and she nap--try to get some work done or nap too (between his hacking and her coming into bed with me at 2:45 a.m. and me not sleeping well at all after that, I feel like I barely slept!)?
Big...snow ~ 15 inches they said on the news between yesterday afternoon and this morning. Lots of high winds and blowing. Everything closed today and much closed tomorrow as well. I don't mind not getting out all that much, but we all get along better if hubby and Baby Girl get chances to go out.
Big...wuss ~ From what I hear, it's lots of men and I don't know that for sure, but I know it's true for hubby. He's sick--which means he has a cold. His head hurts and he feels like doing nothing. So he doesn't. But I still have work to do and I really need him to play with Baby Girl at least a little bit. If I felt like he looks and sounds, he would still expect me to be doing my normal stuff. I'm frustrated.
Edited on Thursday--okay, he's more sick than yesterday started. He has chills and fever so can't do as much, but that still didn't hit right away. So, now the question as he and she nap--try to get some work done or nap too (between his hacking and her coming into bed with me at 2:45 a.m. and me not sleeping well at all after that, I feel like I barely slept!)?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Ahh...
I don't remember the last day that I had like this. The day started at 5:45 with Baby Girl coming into our room. When she's up before 6, we tell her it's still sleepy time and normally she'll cuddle and relax or go back to sleep. Of course, that works better when it's earlier in the morning. Well, no to that, but she got out of our bed and I wasn't sure where she went. She went back to her bed and started calling for me. Huh? Anyway, I went and laid down on the floor next to her bed. She never went back to sleep but rustled for probably 20 minutes. At which time she wanted to sit on the potty. Again, huh? But we did and had to take jammies off to do so, so she was ready to get dressed. I had clothes picked out for her in our room, so took her back in. We watched a tv show, which got us to 6:45 and then she had had enough and was ready to go.
But by 8, she and hubby left. And I have had the house to myself all day! I was almost crying when they left because I won't see Baby Girl until Tuesday afternoon. She will be spending the days with grandma and grandpa. Hubby will come home tomorrow.
I should have done a lot today, but I have done things today that I needed to do. Here's what I have accomplished (as of almost 4:30 p.m.)--slept, showered, read blogs, watched tv, and ate. I really needed this day. Now, I do need to be sure my sermon is set for tomorrow. After that, I think it's time to unload the dishwasher and make supper. Then it's time to read my book for fun and call it good! No big plans for after church tomorrow, so the other things will just have to happen then. I should be well rested! We'll see--I tend not to be able to sleep at night when hubby is gone, so it's hard to say for sure. But either way, it has been a good day!
But by 8, she and hubby left. And I have had the house to myself all day! I was almost crying when they left because I won't see Baby Girl until Tuesday afternoon. She will be spending the days with grandma and grandpa. Hubby will come home tomorrow.
I should have done a lot today, but I have done things today that I needed to do. Here's what I have accomplished (as of almost 4:30 p.m.)--slept, showered, read blogs, watched tv, and ate. I really needed this day. Now, I do need to be sure my sermon is set for tomorrow. After that, I think it's time to unload the dishwasher and make supper. Then it's time to read my book for fun and call it good! No big plans for after church tomorrow, so the other things will just have to happen then. I should be well rested! We'll see--I tend not to be able to sleep at night when hubby is gone, so it's hard to say for sure. But either way, it has been a good day!
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Thoughts at Halfway (ish)
The whole numbering of pregnancy weeks simply confuses me--and mostly doesn't matter a whole lot. But according to weeks, I'm just about halfway there. And it's been a long time since I posted, so...
I am becoming more excited about this baby. We had an ultrasound. We decided not to find out gender, sort of. We had the tech write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope if we decide later we do want to know and don't have another ultrasound. (I ended up with 3 total for Baby Girl, to check on different things.) This one wasn't as thrilling as any for her; partly because I didn't like the tech. We had my first ultrasound with this baby with her and she forgot to record certain things; I had to go back the next day (60 miles round trip). And she just irked me--can't really explain it.
Anyway, more than seeing the baby is that I can feel it more and more. It's still not consistent movements, but there's a lot more. Just when I start to think, "I haven't felt the baby for a long time, something's wrong" I feel something. And that's good and I'm relieved. I think it was about this time that I began to call Baby Girl "my little swimmer" because it seriously felt like she was swimming laps--touch one side, swim, touch other side, repeat, repeat, repeat. (And she LOVES the water today.)
Haven't come up with a nickname for this one--didn't plan to with Baby Girl, so it still might happen. And as an aside, if intuition is anything, this one is also a girl. With Baby Girl, I felt girl all along, but talked myself into thinking it was a boy because I was so certain I'd be wrong. Hubby thought girl because he kept thinking boy but was certain he'd be wrong. I guess I haven't asked him what he thinks this time.
I loved being pregnant with Baby Girl. I don't hate being pregnant this time--I don't love it the same way. Baby Girl made me a mother, a mommy, the one thing I wanted to be my entire life. And now I am that, no matter what happens. So there's not the same newness that came with my pregnancy with her. And there's not the same preparation--no 'stuff' to buy (well a few things I wish we'd had), but for the most part, no preparation. It's just so different.
And I'm tired of being a mother of a toddler. I love Baby Girl with all that I am, but it's exhausting in such a different way than having a baby. And she's not even really that difficult of a child. She has a few tantrums, but not many. She'll put herself in time-out and calm down quickly when placed there by us. Bedtime takes so long many nights and she only wants me. I'd love to share this with hubby. We've temporarily put potty training on hold as she's been withholding poop and that's a vicious cycle of constipation and pain that we want to break before spending too much time focusing on the potty. And besides, when on earth am I supposed to train her when I'm at work all week. There's not consistency in that! I know--it's a phase, it's part of life. It will get better and it's not awful. It just is.
And in the meantime, I'll grow this baby I'm learning to love and I'll love Baby Girl and put one foot in front of the other. It will be okay.
I am becoming more excited about this baby. We had an ultrasound. We decided not to find out gender, sort of. We had the tech write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope if we decide later we do want to know and don't have another ultrasound. (I ended up with 3 total for Baby Girl, to check on different things.) This one wasn't as thrilling as any for her; partly because I didn't like the tech. We had my first ultrasound with this baby with her and she forgot to record certain things; I had to go back the next day (60 miles round trip). And she just irked me--can't really explain it.
Anyway, more than seeing the baby is that I can feel it more and more. It's still not consistent movements, but there's a lot more. Just when I start to think, "I haven't felt the baby for a long time, something's wrong" I feel something. And that's good and I'm relieved. I think it was about this time that I began to call Baby Girl "my little swimmer" because it seriously felt like she was swimming laps--touch one side, swim, touch other side, repeat, repeat, repeat. (And she LOVES the water today.)
Haven't come up with a nickname for this one--didn't plan to with Baby Girl, so it still might happen. And as an aside, if intuition is anything, this one is also a girl. With Baby Girl, I felt girl all along, but talked myself into thinking it was a boy because I was so certain I'd be wrong. Hubby thought girl because he kept thinking boy but was certain he'd be wrong. I guess I haven't asked him what he thinks this time.
I loved being pregnant with Baby Girl. I don't hate being pregnant this time--I don't love it the same way. Baby Girl made me a mother, a mommy, the one thing I wanted to be my entire life. And now I am that, no matter what happens. So there's not the same newness that came with my pregnancy with her. And there's not the same preparation--no 'stuff' to buy (well a few things I wish we'd had), but for the most part, no preparation. It's just so different.
And I'm tired of being a mother of a toddler. I love Baby Girl with all that I am, but it's exhausting in such a different way than having a baby. And she's not even really that difficult of a child. She has a few tantrums, but not many. She'll put herself in time-out and calm down quickly when placed there by us. Bedtime takes so long many nights and she only wants me. I'd love to share this with hubby. We've temporarily put potty training on hold as she's been withholding poop and that's a vicious cycle of constipation and pain that we want to break before spending too much time focusing on the potty. And besides, when on earth am I supposed to train her when I'm at work all week. There's not consistency in that! I know--it's a phase, it's part of life. It will get better and it's not awful. It just is.
And in the meantime, I'll grow this baby I'm learning to love and I'll love Baby Girl and put one foot in front of the other. It will be okay.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Thoughts on Pregnancy--Due Date Woes
As I said, the due date was (and is) the easiest for me to articulate when it comes to my apprehension about this pregnancy. My due date is May 17--the ultrasound guesstimate was May 21 (even worse in some ways!) but since those can be off a week either way, my doctor says we go with May 17.
Here's why it's bad...
Professionally...
The one-year anniversary of starting my call to this place--May 1. I really, really, really wanted to be here more than one year before having a baby. And yes, with May 17--it's possible, but oh so barely.
Easter is really late this year--April 24. Not quite in the 2 week window for due dates, but darn close--especially when Baby Girl was a full month early! Since she had no problems related to being early, maybe I just gestate shorter than average--it's possible. Really, really don't want to miss my first Holy Week/Easter here!
Synod Assembly is May 20-21. Not a huge deal, but I don't like missing these. Yes, I'm insane. I know.
Family...
May 31 is Baby Girl's birthday. Well in the 2 week window. She's young enough that if we have to change a day of celebrating, it won't be a big deal. But I don't want her to have to share her birthday! We'll probably end up doing one family party in May in the years to come anyway.
May 13 is when my stepson is to graduate from college. At this point, he says he's not going to participate in the ceremony, but I think his mom will probably make him. At least he won't care much if we can't make it because of the new baby. He is really laid back and takes everything in stride.
Now the biggie...May 22 is when my stepdaughter graduates from high school. (May 16 and 17 are her two final senior music performances) She was not happy to hear Baby Girl was on the way...she's adjusted beautifully. However, I knew she wouldn't be thrilled with the due date. When we told her I was pregnant, she said, "when?" Mid-may was what we answered rather than the date. Her words to her dad were "well, you better not miss my graduation." Ouch. I get it, I do. Every child wants her daddy there on special days. We have done everything in our power to get him to as many events as he can possibly. (And I've even gone alone to some events to videotape when he couldn't go--driving 3 plus hours in the winter to do so!) And I want him to be there for her. But if I'm having this baby, I want him with me more. Stepdaughter and I have always gotten along okay. There's never been "you aren't my mother" stuff--partly because I've never tried to be her mother, just someone who loves and cares for her. And sometimes, perhaps now more than ever when I'm more hormonal, I want to shake her and remind her how much her dad loves her, how much he's been there for, how much he makes every effort, and yes, while's he's not there every night and day since her mom and he couldn't work it out, she has had so many more opportunities to share special things with him than I ever did with my dad. She's had him nearly twice as long and more often than not, when she has a choice, she doesn't choose to spend time with him. (Especially now that we are 20 minutes from her and she has a car.) He lets her choose to do other things. He doesn't command she come over or beg her too, usually. He's asked on occasion. But I really, really, really don't want to put hubby in the position of choosing me/baby and her graduation. I don't want her to resent me any more than she might/does(?) for taking her daddy away from her. (Never mind--her dad didn't leave her mom for me, but I'm not sure how she thinks about it.) I don't want her to have reason to resent this baby too--it was hard enough to accept that she was no longer Daddy's baby--and baby girl no less.
Here's why it's bad...
Professionally...
The one-year anniversary of starting my call to this place--May 1. I really, really, really wanted to be here more than one year before having a baby. And yes, with May 17--it's possible, but oh so barely.
Easter is really late this year--April 24. Not quite in the 2 week window for due dates, but darn close--especially when Baby Girl was a full month early! Since she had no problems related to being early, maybe I just gestate shorter than average--it's possible. Really, really don't want to miss my first Holy Week/Easter here!
Synod Assembly is May 20-21. Not a huge deal, but I don't like missing these. Yes, I'm insane. I know.
Family...
May 31 is Baby Girl's birthday. Well in the 2 week window. She's young enough that if we have to change a day of celebrating, it won't be a big deal. But I don't want her to have to share her birthday! We'll probably end up doing one family party in May in the years to come anyway.
May 13 is when my stepson is to graduate from college. At this point, he says he's not going to participate in the ceremony, but I think his mom will probably make him. At least he won't care much if we can't make it because of the new baby. He is really laid back and takes everything in stride.
Now the biggie...May 22 is when my stepdaughter graduates from high school. (May 16 and 17 are her two final senior music performances) She was not happy to hear Baby Girl was on the way...she's adjusted beautifully. However, I knew she wouldn't be thrilled with the due date. When we told her I was pregnant, she said, "when?" Mid-may was what we answered rather than the date. Her words to her dad were "well, you better not miss my graduation." Ouch. I get it, I do. Every child wants her daddy there on special days. We have done everything in our power to get him to as many events as he can possibly. (And I've even gone alone to some events to videotape when he couldn't go--driving 3 plus hours in the winter to do so!) And I want him to be there for her. But if I'm having this baby, I want him with me more. Stepdaughter and I have always gotten along okay. There's never been "you aren't my mother" stuff--partly because I've never tried to be her mother, just someone who loves and cares for her. And sometimes, perhaps now more than ever when I'm more hormonal, I want to shake her and remind her how much her dad loves her, how much he's been there for, how much he makes every effort, and yes, while's he's not there every night and day since her mom and he couldn't work it out, she has had so many more opportunities to share special things with him than I ever did with my dad. She's had him nearly twice as long and more often than not, when she has a choice, she doesn't choose to spend time with him. (Especially now that we are 20 minutes from her and she has a car.) He lets her choose to do other things. He doesn't command she come over or beg her too, usually. He's asked on occasion. But I really, really, really don't want to put hubby in the position of choosing me/baby and her graduation. I don't want her to resent me any more than she might/does(?) for taking her daddy away from her. (Never mind--her dad didn't leave her mom for me, but I'm not sure how she thinks about it.) I don't want her to have reason to resent this baby too--it was hard enough to accept that she was no longer Daddy's baby--and baby girl no less.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Thoughts on Pregnancy, Part 2
At first, I didn't really want to tell anyone. I know there's the (un?)spoken rule about not sharing in the first trimester because the risks of miscarriage is greater then. And that was okay; I didn't want to tell. I kept expecting something to go wrong because I wasn't sure about what I was feeling. I didn't WANT a miscarriage, but I wondered how upset I would be if I had one. I've read blogs of many women who mourn intensely at 5 weeks (which was before I even found out) and name that child and everything. I don't really know when I start defining 'child'--but for me, it's not that soon. But everyone is different and I don't know the story that led them to that point; we all handle things in different ways. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't name the child at that point though.
Maybe we just aren't good at naming! With Baby Girl, we picked out the boy name well before I was due--it was the only first boy name we could agree on. (And my only naming criteria was that I wanted/want to use my dad's middle name as a boy middle name so they had to go together.) Baby Girl, we were narrowing it down--and made our final narrowing down to 2 on the way to the hospital! I named her when I saw her and have never regretted it for a second! But I guess that's beside the point.
And then I went for my first prenatal visit--just with the nurse. And found out the due date from her; I had found calendars on-line too. And it was reconfirmed why the timing was so horrible (which I promise I'll get to at some point!) which was the part I could most articulate as to why I was having mixed feelings.
One funny from that visit--the nurse was asking questions about medical history, etc. and asked if I had ever had fertility problems. I just laughed--I got pregnant while on birth control, uh, no! (I know infertility isn't funny--but it certainly hasn't been my problem!)
But there was a glimmer of hope for me about my due date--I was hoping we were really wrong! The nurse was able to find a heartbeat--which was really early for that with my due date and she said it was higher than she'd expect. That coupled with the fact that I was on birth control could have my dating wrong, even though we knew when I had my last period. For that reason and for the genetic testing my doctor now does, I was scheduled to have an ultrasound. Perhaps that would indicate a different due date.
That made me feel a better; though still uncertain.
Maybe we just aren't good at naming! With Baby Girl, we picked out the boy name well before I was due--it was the only first boy name we could agree on. (And my only naming criteria was that I wanted/want to use my dad's middle name as a boy middle name so they had to go together.) Baby Girl, we were narrowing it down--and made our final narrowing down to 2 on the way to the hospital! I named her when I saw her and have never regretted it for a second! But I guess that's beside the point.
And then I went for my first prenatal visit--just with the nurse. And found out the due date from her; I had found calendars on-line too. And it was reconfirmed why the timing was so horrible (which I promise I'll get to at some point!) which was the part I could most articulate as to why I was having mixed feelings.
One funny from that visit--the nurse was asking questions about medical history, etc. and asked if I had ever had fertility problems. I just laughed--I got pregnant while on birth control, uh, no! (I know infertility isn't funny--but it certainly hasn't been my problem!)
But there was a glimmer of hope for me about my due date--I was hoping we were really wrong! The nurse was able to find a heartbeat--which was really early for that with my due date and she said it was higher than she'd expect. That coupled with the fact that I was on birth control could have my dating wrong, even though we knew when I had my last period. For that reason and for the genetic testing my doctor now does, I was scheduled to have an ultrasound. Perhaps that would indicate a different due date.
That made me feel a better; though still uncertain.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Thoughts on Pregnancy
It's my blog, right? I can say whatever I want. But it sometimes is hard to admit things...and this is probably the best place to do it because those who read (those I know in real life and those I don't, but feel like I do from blogreading) seem like the people I can trust with these thoughts.
In early August, I had my annual physical. My doctor asked about whether or not we would have more kids. My response was that it was possible; we were discussing trying for a few months early in 2011. I also said, "Right now would be a horrible time to get pregnant; the timing would be really bad." (Because of the due date--more on that later!)
And then August passed and I was thinking lots of things. Hubby and I talked; he turns 40 in 2011. That's his cut-off for having kids. I get it; he has a 21 year old son, a 17 year old daughter and 2 1/2 year old Baby Girl. This is a big enough span--there's already the chance that Baby Girl and baby#2 will have close in age nieces or nephews. At least the older kids aren't trying to follow in their parents footsteps and start young! Stepson isn't really interested in girls, or rather he's socially awkward enough that he hasn't met people. Stepdaughter has a boyfriend, but (while I know it's possible) I think that both she and he are not to that point.
I was also thinking about the fact that I'm happy to be nearing the end of diapers and the need for 100% constant supervision. I'm in the throes of terrible two's and I don't know if I want to deal with that again. Baby Girl is still my heart and I don't know how I'll be able to share time and attention.
And then...I was late in September and in denial. I was particularly stressed; the start of a program year at a new call will do that to you. I had started a new generic of the same active birth control pill ingredient and when I've done that before, I've been late. And so I just kept going along. Until I realized that September came and went and I was REALLY late and I had other symptoms. So I took a pregnancy test.
And it was positive. Even though I can't read those stinking things...really, they are idiot-proof. I got the same kind I took with Baby Girl and I didn't read it right then either. Hubby looked at it and there was no doubt. And then when I paid attention to the picture that says which is which, I was like--duh!
And I wasn't thrilled. I wasn't elated. I was scared and unhappy and unsure. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I was at the point where I wasn't sure I wanted it to. But it had.
In early August, I had my annual physical. My doctor asked about whether or not we would have more kids. My response was that it was possible; we were discussing trying for a few months early in 2011. I also said, "Right now would be a horrible time to get pregnant; the timing would be really bad." (Because of the due date--more on that later!)
And then August passed and I was thinking lots of things. Hubby and I talked; he turns 40 in 2011. That's his cut-off for having kids. I get it; he has a 21 year old son, a 17 year old daughter and 2 1/2 year old Baby Girl. This is a big enough span--there's already the chance that Baby Girl and baby#2 will have close in age nieces or nephews. At least the older kids aren't trying to follow in their parents footsteps and start young! Stepson isn't really interested in girls, or rather he's socially awkward enough that he hasn't met people. Stepdaughter has a boyfriend, but (while I know it's possible) I think that both she and he are not to that point.
I was also thinking about the fact that I'm happy to be nearing the end of diapers and the need for 100% constant supervision. I'm in the throes of terrible two's and I don't know if I want to deal with that again. Baby Girl is still my heart and I don't know how I'll be able to share time and attention.
And then...I was late in September and in denial. I was particularly stressed; the start of a program year at a new call will do that to you. I had started a new generic of the same active birth control pill ingredient and when I've done that before, I've been late. And so I just kept going along. Until I realized that September came and went and I was REALLY late and I had other symptoms. So I took a pregnancy test.
And it was positive. Even though I can't read those stinking things...really, they are idiot-proof. I got the same kind I took with Baby Girl and I didn't read it right then either. Hubby looked at it and there was no doubt. And then when I paid attention to the picture that says which is which, I was like--duh!
And I wasn't thrilled. I wasn't elated. I was scared and unhappy and unsure. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I was at the point where I wasn't sure I wanted it to. But it had.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Preoccupied
So I obviously gave up on the posting everyday in November thing--and I'm okay with that. I've been preoccupied with that which I wasn't ready to blog about until I made the news public in real life. And now that it is public, I'm still preoccupied with this baby. And still very busy with church, especially this Advent season. So I'll be posting more than before November, I think!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thankful
Today I am most thankful for the fact that I took a day off of work. Despite a sermon for Sunday looming over my head, I decided not to work on that or other work things that should be done.
Now, that doesn't mean I did nothing. I gave Baby Girl a bath; I did mountains of home bookwork and filing; I cooked two real meals (but not Thanksgiving dinner--that's Saturday here!); I did dishes; I played with Baby Girl and read her books and snuggled with her. I helped prep our bathroom for painting, which MIL and FIL did today. We'll go look at vanities and countertops/sinks tomorrow--here in town in the afternoon. I'm guessing this home improvement store won't be insane that time of day. Oh and fixtures and towel bars.
I also read a magazine and watched some football and played on-line. It's not yet 7 p.m. and I'm just about ready for bed. When Baby Girl goes to bed, I probably will too. Tomorrow I will need to do some work--like that sermon.
But for now, I'll just continue being thankful.
Now, that doesn't mean I did nothing. I gave Baby Girl a bath; I did mountains of home bookwork and filing; I cooked two real meals (but not Thanksgiving dinner--that's Saturday here!); I did dishes; I played with Baby Girl and read her books and snuggled with her. I helped prep our bathroom for painting, which MIL and FIL did today. We'll go look at vanities and countertops/sinks tomorrow--here in town in the afternoon. I'm guessing this home improvement store won't be insane that time of day. Oh and fixtures and towel bars.
I also read a magazine and watched some football and played on-line. It's not yet 7 p.m. and I'm just about ready for bed. When Baby Girl goes to bed, I probably will too. Tomorrow I will need to do some work--like that sermon.
But for now, I'll just continue being thankful.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Baby Girl Needs...
a new blog nickname. Because....
come spring/summer she will no longer be the baby in our house.
come spring/summer she will no longer be the baby in our house.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Toddler TMI
Baby Girl may not like this so much, but it's on my mind right now. We are slowly trying to make progress on potty training. Which is much harder than I thought because this girl is so smart--and always seems to know when she goes. My mom was visiting this week and so we kept Baby Girl home from daycare so that they could work just on potty training. I thought it'd work. Not so much.
Currently Baby Girl is on a poop every other day kind of schedule. (Which is amazing since I recall the first time a changed a diaper without poop! I think she was 9 months old.) Anyway...she was due to poop on Friday and didn't. So when she was moaning and crying Mommy at midnight, I thought it was because the poop was finally coming. She didn't try to sit up at first, so I lay by her and rubbed her tummy and tried to be soothing--not sure what was going on. Finally, she says, "I want to go wee-wee on the potty." So we got up, she sat on her potty--almost falling asleep--and peed.
She can wake up to pee, but doesn't know in advance during the day? Huh?
I know I'm just ready for her to be done with diapers!
Currently Baby Girl is on a poop every other day kind of schedule. (Which is amazing since I recall the first time a changed a diaper without poop! I think she was 9 months old.) Anyway...she was due to poop on Friday and didn't. So when she was moaning and crying Mommy at midnight, I thought it was because the poop was finally coming. She didn't try to sit up at first, so I lay by her and rubbed her tummy and tried to be soothing--not sure what was going on. Finally, she says, "I want to go wee-wee on the potty." So we got up, she sat on her potty--almost falling asleep--and peed.
She can wake up to pee, but doesn't know in advance during the day? Huh?
I know I'm just ready for her to be done with diapers!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Whew
One important conversation had today. Was supposed to be over lunch, but sick children intervened. So it was over the phone. But it was important and good and I feel a bit relieved. Two more important conversations to go!
Now--if I could actually get some work done...like a sermon for Sunday. That'd be helpful too!
Better posts will resume on Thanksgiving when I have a few days off!
Now--if I could actually get some work done...like a sermon for Sunday. That'd be helpful too!
Better posts will resume on Thanksgiving when I have a few days off!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Planned!
Thanksgiving worship! ~ may need a tweak, but overall done
Confirmation lesson for tonight
Now...home to spend time with Baby Girl, back in 3 hours
Tomorrow
1. reference letter
2. sermon for Sunday
3. Advent/Christmas plan
I can do this!
Confirmation lesson for tonight
Now...home to spend time with Baby Girl, back in 3 hours
Tomorrow
1. reference letter
2. sermon for Sunday
3. Advent/Christmas plan
I can do this!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thanksgiving
I'm thankful to have the opportunity for our congregation to host the ecumenical Thanksgiving service in my city. But that means that I have to plan it...and I've been meaning to. But if I want any help (and I do), D-Day is in the morning. I have no experience planning an ecumenical service on my own. I'm meeting another pastor tomorrow to finalize it, but I want something to start with. I am becoming an awful procrastinator these last few weeks. I hate it. I just need to get caught up and then not get behind again!! Now...on to Thanksgiving. No more procrastinating by blogging tonight. Even if I don't want to fail anymore at this posting everyday thing!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Responsible One?
Yesterday after the morning of church, we went for a fast-food lunch. Baby Girl fell asleep on the way home. We got home, put her in bed and I laid down too--asking my hubby to wake me up in about an hour.
After that, these were my choices:
1. Stay in bed, sleep some more, spend a quiet (as quiet as it can be with a 2 1/2 year old) afternoon and evening at home
2. Drive an hour (one way) to a 2+ hour meeting for the church that I'm supposed to be at--and am supposed to bring two lay folks along to
Which was the responsible thing to do?
I did number two, even though I couldn't find lay folks to go. Which is why I felt even more like I should go. And I found it boring and frustrating. Many of the folks in the host city (not the host congregation) weren't even there. Really, I could take 2 hours of drive time to come to this and you couldn't take 20 minutes?
I still feel icky and tired. Today I wonder, was it worth it. I missed out on another nap, a time for my body to work harder on healing, restful time at home with Baby Girl and my hubby (and my mom who is visiting this week).
I can't do it all--why do I think others can? Why do all of us think others can? Why did we even have that meeting--it was so not useful. Ugh. That's all I have to say about it.
After that, these were my choices:
1. Stay in bed, sleep some more, spend a quiet (as quiet as it can be with a 2 1/2 year old) afternoon and evening at home
2. Drive an hour (one way) to a 2+ hour meeting for the church that I'm supposed to be at--and am supposed to bring two lay folks along to
Which was the responsible thing to do?
I did number two, even though I couldn't find lay folks to go. Which is why I felt even more like I should go. And I found it boring and frustrating. Many of the folks in the host city (not the host congregation) weren't even there. Really, I could take 2 hours of drive time to come to this and you couldn't take 20 minutes?
I still feel icky and tired. Today I wonder, was it worth it. I missed out on another nap, a time for my body to work harder on healing, restful time at home with Baby Girl and my hubby (and my mom who is visiting this week).
I can't do it all--why do I think others can? Why do all of us think others can? Why did we even have that meeting--it was so not useful. Ugh. That's all I have to say about it.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Yucky
I just feel yucky. My voice is fading. We'll see what tomorrow brings--I guess it will be what it is. Hopefully it will hold out enough for worship and Sunday School. The idea of a whole afternoon meeting is not appealing. I'd much rather curl up under a blanket and take a nap or watch football or anything else tomorrow. I suppose if I feel really awful I can skip, but I'm so not good at that.
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