Thursday, December 09, 2010

Thoughts on Pregnancy--Due Date Woes

As I said, the due date was (and is) the easiest for me to articulate when it comes to my apprehension about this pregnancy. My due date is May 17--the ultrasound guesstimate was May 21 (even worse in some ways!) but since those can be off a week either way, my doctor says we go with May 17.

Here's why it's bad...

The one-year anniversary of starting my call to this place--May 1. I really, really, really wanted to be here more than one year before having a baby. And yes, with May 17--it's possible, but oh so barely.

Easter is really late this year--April 24. Not quite in the 2 week window for due dates, but darn close--especially when Baby Girl was a full month early! Since she had no problems related to being early, maybe I just gestate shorter than average--it's possible. Really, really don't want to miss my first Holy Week/Easter here!

Synod Assembly is May 20-21. Not a huge deal, but I don't like missing these. Yes, I'm insane. I know.

May 31 is Baby Girl's birthday. Well in the 2 week window. She's young enough that if we have to change a day of celebrating, it won't be a big deal. But I don't want her to have to share her birthday! We'll probably end up doing one family party in May in the years to come anyway.

May 13 is when my stepson is to graduate from college. At this point, he says he's not going to participate in the ceremony, but I think his mom will probably make him. At least he won't care much if we can't make it because of the new baby. He is really laid back and takes everything in stride.

Now the biggie...May 22 is when my stepdaughter graduates from high school. (May 16 and 17 are her two final senior music performances) She was not happy to hear Baby Girl was on the way...she's adjusted beautifully. However, I knew she wouldn't be thrilled with the due date. When we told her I was pregnant, she said, "when?" Mid-may was what we answered rather than the date. Her words to her dad were "well, you better not miss my graduation." Ouch. I get it, I do. Every child wants her daddy there on special days. We have done everything in our power to get him to as many events as he can possibly. (And I've even gone alone to some events to videotape when he couldn't go--driving 3 plus hours in the winter to do so!) And I want him to be there for her. But if I'm having this baby, I want him with me more. Stepdaughter and I have always gotten along okay. There's never been "you aren't my mother" stuff--partly because I've never tried to be her mother, just someone who loves and cares for her. And sometimes, perhaps now more than ever when I'm more hormonal, I want to shake her and remind her how much her dad loves her, how much he's been there for, how much he makes every effort, and yes, while's he's not there every night and day since her mom and he couldn't work it out, she has had so many more opportunities to share special things with him than I ever did with my dad. She's had him nearly twice as long and more often than not, when she has a choice, she doesn't choose to spend time with him. (Especially now that we are 20 minutes from her and she has a car.) He lets her choose to do other things. He doesn't command she come over or beg her too, usually. He's asked on occasion. But I really, really, really don't want to put hubby in the position of choosing me/baby and her graduation. I don't want her to resent me any more than she might/does(?) for taking her daddy away from her. (Never mind--her dad didn't leave her mom for me, but I'm not sure how she thinks about it.) I don't want her to have reason to resent this baby too--it was hard enough to accept that she was no longer Daddy's baby--and baby girl no less.


Mary Beth said...

Yowch. A lot of potential painful things there. I'm sorry for the stepdaughter issues. It's not easy being the stepmama.

Hang in there.

Wendy said...

Will pray this happens between Easter and high school graduation. What a lot to negotiate.

On the other hand, May is the best month for birthdays. :)

Jessica said...

Holy calendar cow. Holy calendar snafu.

I'm with Wendy... hoping for an immediately post-Easter baby.

Sarah S-D said...

just caught up. thanks for sharing so honestly.

i know bad timing... baby due two weeks before the end of my first semester of a doctoral program? could have been worse, yes. but it was bad timing. obviously our conception while as much of a surprise was not one we greeted with ambivalence. you already know, however, that i get your reaction and that it makes a lot of sense and that it is totally fine. not fun to experience, but fine.

i fretted, fretted, fretted... what if she comes before my papers are done? what if she comes before my sister gets here? what if she comes late and i have to start my second semester 1 or 2 weeks postpartum? there were so many, in my mind, horrific scenarios. she came within hours of her due date, just under two weeks after i finished my papers, and after my sister arrived, and a month before the new semester- which i didn't actually start thanks to gracious professors- or rather i didn't start my version of the semester until february. everyone's experience is different. i don't share this to say "this is how it will be for you," but rather to say I remember due date anxiety. frankly... as an academic and as a pastor i now have birthday anxiety- december 5th is a lousy time to properly mount a celebration. yet, i distinctly remember feeling that she came right. on. time. and i'm pray it will be the same for you. babies RARELY come on their due dates. i'll pray you clear the graduation safely. i suspect you'll get through everything that matters most... and then the baby will come. and if you have to miss your first easter... it is not the end of the world. i have a friend whose wife went into labor on Good Friday, he was to preach, someone else read his manuscript. would you like me to commit to being a back up preacher for you? i'm not sure how far away you are, but it seems possible... and i surely have easter sermons i can reuse... if i can support you in any way in this transition to number 2, i want to. i had a friend come thanksgiving week and help me get ready. i want to pay it forward. know that i'm in your corner. truly.

the church for whom i'm preaching can't count on me for major holidays. and i surely hope my gig with them is done well before holy week. So... if i can help. Please let me.