Saturday, May 16, 2009

Still Here

I feel like I need to write an update, comment upon the state of things right now. I debated on a title for the post and "Still Here" finally came. I guess that summarizes it...I'm still trying to decide if that's good or bad for now.

Still here--we are not moving north. The job I was a long-shot for that I agonized over (during Holy Week no less) will not be mine. And I'm okay with that...and I'm especially okay because the person who would have been my direct supervisor is someone that I dearly love and she basically told the HR department, "I don't know how you plan to do things, but I'm not leaving people hanging...I'm calling to say we aren't looking at their files anymore." We had a lovely visit and you could tell it hurt for her to say it, but in a good affirming way. And I told her that I thought I was a long-shot and really appreciated the call and knowing for sure. Now I need to get my tail in gear and email her a picture of Baby Girl. She asked...I'm not just the doting mom who thinks her baby is adorable. (And I'm not...JUST that anyway; I'm more.)

Still here--we are not moving west. The job my hubby interviewed for...well, the interview went well, but the situation was not quite what we expected. (Like no insurance coverage and not so much more income than he has now and about half the students.) His principal told him that it would be better to withdraw his name than to be offered the job and not take it. So, he called on the last day of their interviews to withdraw his name. That day I said to him, "You need to withdraw your name; I don't think it's right for us." He said, "That's what I was thinking; I just needed the push." But with no more interviews lined up, he keeps questioning the choice. And I keep saying, it was the right one. I've wanted to leave here for about 3 years--2 years ago this coming fall, I thought I was leaving. Then I turned down a call and found out I was pregnant not much later. Do I still want to move? YES. Do I want to move to a place where I can take some time off and stay home with Baby Girl? Even bigger YES. But even more, I want us both to feel like it's the right thing--or at least an okay thing. This place did not feel so okay the more we learned. And I also know--at this point in his career--I need to follow my hubby, not the other way around.

Still here--still wanting to be blogging, but finding it's the last thing to get done. I keep reading many other blogs--daily--obsessively. Really--I need an intervention I think. I have so many other things to read--books, magazines, etc. I need to get off-line. Plus, so often I find myself starting to comment and stop because I feel they turn into "all about me" moments instead of really affirming the blogger or their words. And I think..."gee, I should just write on my own blog." But I don't feel like I have anything to say...but I'm still here.

1 comment:

Songbird said...

I'm glad to hear from you; I hope you'll be able to find a way to spend more time with your baby.