Choices

This morning began at 4 a.m. I am NOT a morning person. I tried to coax Baby Girl back to sleep after she ate. I gave up on that at 5 and let her play on the floor while I tried to work on my sermon, which at that point consisted of the lectionary readings and a vague idea. When she fell asleep on the floor at 5:30 and I was falling asleep in the chair, we both went back to bed. I got up at 7 to really write and am making progress now at nearly 8 while she still sleeps.

But I made choices last night that I wonder about...

--Was it that Pepsi I drank before her final nursing session that woke her up in less time than she has been sleeping for most of this week? But she did sleep 6 hours straight, which was what she slept the night before. The rest of the week was 8-10 hours. I was hopeful that we had established that pattern.

--She was snuggly and sleepy last evening, so we snuggled on the couch for 3 hours before bathtime and eventual bedtime. Did I let her sleep too much too comfortably too close to bedtime? And more to the point today, should I have been working on my sermon instead of holding her when she was asleep? I loved every second of the snuggly time, her little chest against mine, her little head on my shoulder so I could sniff the sweet baby smell, the little arms falling in such a way that it felt like an embrace. She is such a gift from God, a promise of God's love, and a proclamation of good news to me. Unfortunately that doesn't translate into the sermon that the people need to hear--and while it makes me feel like a good mother, makes me feel like a bad pastor.