Saturday, September 27, 2008


This morning began at 4 a.m. I am NOT a morning person. I tried to coax Baby Girl back to sleep after she ate. I gave up on that at 5 and let her play on the floor while I tried to work on my sermon, which at that point consisted of the lectionary readings and a vague idea. When she fell asleep on the floor at 5:30 and I was falling asleep in the chair, we both went back to bed. I got up at 7 to really write and am making progress now at nearly 8 while she still sleeps.

But I made choices last night that I wonder about...

--Was it that Pepsi I drank before her final nursing session that woke her up in less time than she has been sleeping for most of this week? But she did sleep 6 hours straight, which was what she slept the night before. The rest of the week was 8-10 hours. I was hopeful that we had established that pattern.

--She was snuggly and sleepy last evening, so we snuggled on the couch for 3 hours before bathtime and eventual bedtime. Did I let her sleep too much too comfortably too close to bedtime? And more to the point today, should I have been working on my sermon instead of holding her when she was asleep? I loved every second of the snuggly time, her little chest against mine, her little head on my shoulder so I could sniff the sweet baby smell, the little arms falling in such a way that it felt like an embrace. She is such a gift from God, a promise of God's love, and a proclamation of good news to me. Unfortunately that doesn't translate into the sermon that the people need to hear--and while it makes me feel like a good mother, makes me feel like a bad pastor.


Sarah S-D said...

you woke up ready to write (the second time of waking). i rarely was able to work on writing sermons on friday nights or fridays at all... if they weren't done on thursday, saturday morning it was.

i think savoring this time with your baby does NOT make you a bad pastor, at all.

the pepsi... that could have been a factor...

but... the choices that you made, on the whole, sound beautiful to me.

glad you woke up feeling ready to write.

RevDrKate said...

Those pulls are hard...yes sermons have deadines and all...but can't imagine how can cherishing and loving this sweet mainfestation of God's love could ever diminsh anything about you as person or pastor. Agreeing with Sarah here, and loving that image of you cuddled up with Baby Girl.