Control

I admit it, I like being in control. I like order and structure, but I like to create it. And lately, it's felt like things are out of my control. There is order and structure and deadlines and none of these things are ones that I got to choose. In my faith journey, I resonate with Carrie Underwood's debut single, "Jesus Take the Wheel." Maybe it's because of when it came out, right after I was in a serious car accident myself. The words of the chorus reflect a prayer I want to say:

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

But...as much as I want Jesus to be in control of my life; as much as I believe that God is in control, I also believe in free will. I believe that God made us people who can and do make choices and decisions about our lives. So God is not in control to the point of scheduling this meeting or that gathering or my husband's football game. I feel like I should have some control over some of them...and lately, it feels like I haven't had any control over any of them. And that makes me cranky and overwhelmed and tired.

But it's starting to level out again. Maybe it's the anticipation of a few days of upcoming vacation, though those may be busy. But I get to be completely in control of the schedule those days. (Okay--not completely, there will be other people's schedules to coordinate with--husband, in-laws, friends.) But they won't be work days! I will be away from the place that requires me to be "on;" I'll be in places where I can just "be."