Wednesday, January 25, 2012


We saw the specialist for Precious on Monday. She has fluid in her ears which necessitates tubes (not unusual for a baby with a cleft--or lots of kids). They did a hearing test and there is some minor hearing loss. But this came with a dilemma--do tubes now or wait until the major surgery. Doing tubes is a pretty common procedure, but does require anesthesia. Hubby was all for tubes--both his older kids had multiple sets and it's no big deal for him. It's really only a few minutes. I said, "but it's my baby..." AND, Precious hasn't had an ear infection and doesn't seem bothered by her ears at all. Our specialist said that if she felt strongly that something was right, she would push us hard. In this case, she said, there's not a clear right or wrong. While we were doing the hearing test (and thinking about what to do), she said she asked all her colleagues who were in that day their opinion and it was evenly divided. "You are good parents, no matter what you choose," she told us. And, she also told us that as Precious is growing so well, that if we want to do surgery earlier we can--do both at once then. Hubby asked about whether the ears would get worse if we wait; the answer is no. I asked, "If it was your child, what would you do?" Without a second's hesitation, she said she would wait. So that's what we will do. Her response pushed me over the edge to the waiting side.

Precious is scheduled for her 3 1/2 hour (!) surgery on June 12. If she has ear infections or seems bothered by her ears or we notice significant hearing loss before then, we can reschedule and do things earlier. we know...and I'm starting to worry. They are going to put my baby under for 3 1/2 hours! So I'm trying not to think about it too much. Easier said than done. I never forget that she has a cleft palate, but I had gotten so it wasn't all-consuming. It's back to all-consuming, which I don't have time for. I have so much to do; I can't do it all; and I'm so overwhelmed that I'm not functioning on all cylinders. I lack motivation and I'm tired. I just want to stay home and snuggle with Precious (and Baby Girl)--neither of whom would be content to snuggle all day, but there you have it.

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