A few posts ago I listed the blog posts I had written in my head and this was one of the titles. I realize as I look at that list that this particular post was 'written' in my head as a venting post. This will be less venting than it would have been if I had actually written it, I think...I guess we'll see.
I love my mom very much. We've had our ups and downs in recent years and have moved into a relatively healthy balance (at least for us). However, as grateful as I am for the time she spent with us after the birth of Baby Girl, I was ready for her to be gone.
We did really need her--my husband had a few days of school left along with some other important meetings that took him away. Baby Girl was quite jaundiced; I wanted to breastfeed but my milk wasn't in, so the doctor prescribed a "Supplemental Nursing System." (Baby jaundice gets better the more the baby poops--the baby poops more when they eat more, so getting something is crucial.) This system uses formula but requires at least 2 people and could probably use more. If you've never heard of this, you hang this bottle thing around your neck with a straw-like thing that goes down to the nipple, so when the baby nurses on the breast (to help stimulate milk production)--they get formula from the bottle and eventually breast milk too. But in reality, you can't just hang the bottle around your neck and go--it has to be higher than the breast and there is a second straw thing that has to be a certain way so enough air gets in the bottle in order to push the milk out. I could never have done this when hubby was at work. So Mom was able to help.
But--I realized something very important after about ten days, or at least was able to put words to what I was feeling. Two friends were over for dinner while my mom was here and one asked, "Well, what's it like seeing your daughter be a mom?" My mom's response was, "I haven't really thought about it." That's when I realized what I was feeling--she wasn't letting me be a mom, she was mothering both of us. And with the time since I first thought of this post, I am choosing to believe that it was with the best of intentions. She was mothering me--making sure my body had a chance to heal, that I got enough rest, and took care of myself. And her way of doing this was to take care of Baby Girl too--and not let me take care of her sometimes.
I'll have to have a part 2 to this post--Baby Girl is hungry!