Babies

I've been thinking a lot about babies today in particular. Within the first hour or so of being awake today, I was informed about the death of a 17 month old in my congregation and decided which new pair of maternity pants I would wear that would be comfortable for a long day today but also look professional.

I've been thinking a lot about babies for a few months now. My baby (my first) is due June 30, 2008. I'm pretty preoccupied by this, which I think is fair and understandable. I've been blessed to feel good--very little morning sickness. Some fatigue, but I'm mostly past the point where I fall asleep if I sit for more than two minutes. At my last three appointments, I've been able to hear the baby's heartbeat--even at the first one when I wasn't supposed to worry if I couldn't because it was so early. I'm not really showing yet...but I'm big enough that my usual pants don't fit comfortably. I happened upon an awesome sale yesterday and purchased 2 pairs of pants and 2 tops for $35. I should be able to wear all 4 pieces of clothing for the rest of my pregnancy--or at least most of it.

Today, I'm really glad I'm not showing much. On Saturday, when we do the visitation and funeral for this precious 17 month old baby who died, I'm not sure that I could handle it--nor would I want them to have to watch their visibly pregnant pastor preside over the funeral of their baby.

This baby has had a difficult 17 months; she was born with multiple birth defects. She's had a feeding tube and been on oxygen her whole life. They have spoken of deafness, but I'm not sure if they knew for sure. She had multiple body casts already this far to help reshape her pelvis. Some of her inner organs were turned. She fell asleep last night and didn't wake up this morning. There is no doubt in my mind that life is better for her today. And I know too she was loved and that the life she lived on this earth meant something. Her family and our church family did what they could to love her and make her short life sweet and wonderful. I know her family is hurting, hurting in a way that I can't fully understand, but can understand more than I could 3 months ago.

I've been thinking about babies today. Mostly though about God's babies and praying that God will hold us all.

January in the Midwest

This morning it was 49 degrees at 6:30 a.m. We are now under a blizzard warning. Schools are getting out early. And the low tonight is supposed to be -2 degrees. Yuck!

COLD Friday Five

Singing Owl at RevGals writes, "Brrrr! Baby, it’s COLD outside! At least that is the case where I am this morning. We are in a January deep freeze. Have a cup of hot tea and tackle five easy seasonal questions.

1. What is the thermometer reading at your house this morning?
I was afraid to look. Last night during the 10 p.m. news, the air temperature was -15. (-30 with windchill) It's cold--that's enough for me!

2. Snow—love it or hate it?
I love watching a nice gentle snow--from inside. Actually, it's warmer than it is now when it is snowing, so that would be preferred! I hate, hate, hate to drive in snow or any winter weather though.

3. What is winter like where you are?
Winter is cold, often snowy. This year has been odd. We had a few days of 60 degree weather in January, which is unusual.

4. Do you like winter sports? Any good stories?
I'm not a big fan of winter sports. I'm just not good at them. I have tried both skiing and snowboarding. The day my husband tried to teach me to ski was the same day that my brother-in-law taught his wife (who was then his new girlfriend) to ski. We had been married about 6 months or so, but had been together for four years. My husband stood by and watched, occasionally walking next to me. I'd fall and my husband would bark, "Get up." Brother-in-law held sister-in-law's hands walking backwards down the hill as she skied. I think she may have fallen once and he rushed to help her up. New love...can't beat it!

5. What is your favorite season, and why?
Spring. I love that it's getting warm and knowing it's going to be warm for a while. I also love the new-ness of spring awakenings in my part of the country. The leaves appearing, the flowers shooting up, the days getting longer. Love all of that!

Bonus: Share a favorite winter pick-me-up. A recipe, an activity, or whatever.
I love to curl up under a blanket with a good book, napping if it happens, but mostly the feeling of not having to be productive. Or I love to spend hours working on a puzzle because all winter my family would have a puzzle on our dining room table. We'd spend evenings and weekends gathered around the table working on it.

Not too deep--but a post

Your Birthdate: August 31

You're a pretty traditional person. If it's lasted, it's probably good. You seek stability - both in your career and your romantic relationship. In return, you're very loyal and predictable. Which is usually a good thing. Without a partner, you feel lost. Being with someone is very important to you. Your strength: Your dependability Your weakness: You hate being alone Your power color: Midnight blue Your power symbol: Shell Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

For a 'quiz' that consists of only entering a birthdate, this is pretty accurate. But 'power month,' what does that mean?

Thoughts on Blogging

I am not a very regular poster to this blog. At least once a month, so that my OCD self doesn't go crazy for a month not appearing in the archives. Beyond that...not always so much.

I do, however, read a lot of blogs--often not commenting, but reading and feeling connected to the lives of these bloggers even though we haven't met in person.

Two, however, got me thinking in the past few days. PBB posts about words. Her last sentence really hit me. "They evaporate before you know it, before you can catch them, domesticate them, make them yours." That's the closest to explaining what my words are doing right now. I somehow can't get them to do anything but swirl and float around my mind and not get any farther along than that.

Songbird writes about the sound of pencil on paper and her journey of blogging and journaling. While I was always more of a pen person myself (as opposed to pencil), some of her words spoke to me particularly. "Had I reached a point of such complete change that writing down my thoughts and especially my feelings would not be part of my life anymore?"

If you read my first post, it's about needing a home for my words, a place to once again write and share. When I think about when I did most of my personal writing, it was when life seemed the toughest...whether it really was or not. Now life is tough in different ways than it was then. And more often than not, those words did not get shared with anyone--even my closest friends.

And I'm coming to realize that I want to blog not just to get my words out of me but because I want the community. I'm a shy, introvert pastor, who sees lots of people every day but have very few friends with whom to make daily or even weekly contact. When I think about posting to this blog, I realize that I think about what responses I might get. And when I think that no one reads my blog (okay--I'm sure people stop by now and then), I lack the motivation to make the words stop swirling; I lack the motivation to try to put my thoughts and feelings into words and sentences. I crave comments and responses and, if I'm honest--affirmation. I want to know that I'm not alone in this crazy world in which we live. I want to know that people care what's going on in my life--even if it's only those things I choose to share.

But I know I can't expect people to stop by if I never write, so maybe I'll try a Lenten discipline--since Lent will so soon be upon us. I'll post more often; I'm not ready to commit to daily. I'll do the RevGal Friday Five each Friday. Hopefully I'll get some visitors and some will keep coming back.

And even if not, maybe I'll find again what is missing right now in me, the joy of putting my thoughts into words simply for my own sake.