Done

Yesterday, at age 16 months (and 1 day), Precious had her very last breastmilk. I stopped pumping at the end of July. My goal was to get her through surgery recovery with mostly fresh breastmilk. After that, we used my frozen stash. I'm happy she got my milk that long and that she seems to like (and tolerate well) cow's milk.

We are done with babies, barring a miracle (aka a failed vasectomy). And that's okay--good even. I held a tiny baby, 5 or 6 weeks old, at a wedding reception recently and I realized that I didn't even feel the slightest twinge of desire to have another baby. I didn't want to be pregnant; I didn't want to give birth; I didn't want to care for another newborn or raise another child.

But...

First, full disclosure, I judge. When I see a baby with a bottle and his/her mother right there, I think, "Oh, it's too bad they aren't breastfeeding. Formula's not the best choice." And then--since Precious--my second thought, "Oh, it could be breastmilk." Ultimately, I know formula's not evil and everyone has to do what is right for them; I don't know the whole story in most cases. I loved, loved, loved breastfeeding and want others to have that same love that I did. And I know not everyone does, so whatever. Do what you need to do.

That said, as I held this baby and fed him his bottle (formula--I watched the parents mix it), he kept turning his little head and nuzzling me, my breast in particular. And I thought, "oh, just to have a baby nurse again...just to snuggle one more baby to my breast and nourish them with this gift...to do something I'm good at and don't have to work to be good at...to be something I am--a nursing mother." And I suppose, with enough hours tied to a pump, I could produce milk again. (I had to check that night--when I squeeze, droplets of milk still come.) But Precious still isn't allowed to try to make suction until at least December. By then, she won't remember how to nurse. She hasn't had anything to suck since June the way it is. And so I'm done.

And it's going to have to be okay.

I'm glad it's September!

August was...I'm not sure what August was, but here are the memorable moments. (including the last days of July and the first of September)

• Conference which was great 
• except for the long drive with toddler and preschooler, housing that really wasn't conducive to our family including no air conditioning on some of the hottest days of the year, losing the much-loved bear of the toddler
• Leaving conference for another long drive to visit family which was good 
• except for not being able to open the tailgate of the van--having to unload stuff by taking out one carseat, folding the seat and throwing stuff over
• denting the van in trying to shut tailgate (because it opened just enough that the sensor said it was open so I didn't want to drive that way but since I couldn't open it the whole way, I tried everything--the only thing that worked was kicking--hence the dent!)
• Realized I was not getting email on my phone--in trying to fix it my phone ate all my contacts
• My flash drive died completely--with lots of stuff on it--hopefully all other places, though I know some wasn't
• My office computer decided to move slower than usual so I'm using my own laptop at work
• It won't connect to the printer
• Tried to install software to fix that and also to update some others, did not know password for days (tried every possible combination of what my husband might have set it for--it never occurred to me to just press enter when it requested a password)
• The calendar I was trying to make in word wouldn't make bigger squares, though there was plenty of space on the page so it didn't work out how I wanted, but there was no time to change so I went with plan b
• Hubby did indeed forget my birthday--after a day in which they celebrated birthdays at his school, we went out for supper and the table over had a birthday cake with candles and balloons--after the girls were asleep and I was folding laundry about 9:20 p.m., I asked, "What is today?"  After a long pause, he hid his face, "I'm not even a day early..."  Nope.  Oh well--he felt bad and we've been laughing about it.
• Saturday we went on a mini-vacation to my brother-in-law's to spend a few days with him and his family, apparently he told his parents so they came too--I really wanted to have this time without them though I love them
• Shortly after arriving, Baby Girl wet her pants (she was just too excited to see grandma and didn't get to the bathroom in time)
• This was when we realized that in the haste of packing, the bag with the kids' clothes was left at home (I'm mostly blaming hubby--he started packing without asking me if I had everything together or even telling me was going to start packing--AND he started way early for the time we said we were going to leave.  In his defense, the bag was not by the other stuff.)
• And the one spare set of clothes we usually have in the car had been used last week when Baby Girl played in the puddles after a big rain

Of course, none of these things are the end of the world.  They are even mostly laughable now, but it's been a long month...

Edit--add not being able to figure out how to make the bullets/spacing do what I want. UGH!