Thanksgiving

I'm thankful to have the opportunity for our congregation to host the ecumenical Thanksgiving service in my city. But that means that I have to plan it...and I've been meaning to. But if I want any help (and I do), D-Day is in the morning. I have no experience planning an ecumenical service on my own. I'm meeting another pastor tomorrow to finalize it, but I want something to start with. I am becoming an awful procrastinator these last few weeks. I hate it. I just need to get caught up and then not get behind again!! Now...on to Thanksgiving. No more procrastinating by blogging tonight. Even if I don't want to fail anymore at this posting everyday thing!

Responsible One?

Yesterday after the morning of church, we went for a fast-food lunch. Baby Girl fell asleep on the way home. We got home, put her in bed and I laid down too--asking my hubby to wake me up in about an hour.

After that, these were my choices:
1. Stay in bed, sleep some more, spend a quiet (as quiet as it can be with a 2 1/2 year old) afternoon and evening at home

2. Drive an hour (one way) to a 2+ hour meeting for the church that I'm supposed to be at--and am supposed to bring two lay folks along to

Which was the responsible thing to do?

I did number two, even though I couldn't find lay folks to go. Which is why I felt even more like I should go. And I found it boring and frustrating. Many of the folks in the host city (not the host congregation) weren't even there. Really, I could take 2 hours of drive time to come to this and you couldn't take 20 minutes?

I still feel icky and tired. Today I wonder, was it worth it. I missed out on another nap, a time for my body to work harder on healing, restful time at home with Baby Girl and my hubby (and my mom who is visiting this week).

I can't do it all--why do I think others can? Why do all of us think others can? Why did we even have that meeting--it was so not useful. Ugh. That's all I have to say about it.

Yucky

I just feel yucky. My voice is fading. We'll see what tomorrow brings--I guess it will be what it is. Hopefully it will hold out enough for worship and Sunday School. The idea of a whole afternoon meeting is not appealing. I'd much rather curl up under a blanket and take a nap or watch football or anything else tomorrow. I suppose if I feel really awful I can skip, but I'm so not good at that.

Laundry

The pile is neverending, isn't it? I try to do it all on one day though--it really makes me feel as if I've accomplished something. I can see the progress, even if it is fleeting. Today I didn't finish and that's okay because I don't have a super busy day tomorrow.

I love having Fridays home with Baby Girl, but wish I could accomplish more of the 'stuff' that needs to be done around the house. A 2 1/2 year old just isn't much help. And now I'm exhausted, my throat hurts and I want to sleep. But I must wait for a bit--the laundry that needs to be pulled out of the dryer half done should be done soon. I'll hang that, and then it's off to bed.

I'm sure it won't take me an hour to fall asleep like it took Baby Girl!

Toddler Bed

Two nights of good sleep! About a week or so ago, we converted Baby Girl's crib to a toddler bed. She hadn't been sleeping well prior and that didn't change. Except the last two nights. She has slept well--she even fell asleep in her bed last night! (Rather than on the floor and then moved to her bed.) We put a kingsize pillow next to her so it was blocking the opening because she ended up on the floor most other nights--in her sleep. That wasn't what woke her up either surprisingly enough. I think the pillow helped. It added warmth. Maybe she thought someone was laying next to her. And it kept her from falling out. I suppose she could roll hard enough to push it out, but I'm not worried about it. If she didn't get hurt before...

And besides, anything can happen at anytime. I broke my collarbone at age 4 falling out of a regular bed. Just hit the floor wrong I guess.

And I admit, I kinda like her toddling to us in the morning. Slowly walking toward us, shyling whispering "Mommy," pulling her up into our bed for a snuggle. I could use a snuggle now.

Inspiration Please Strike NOW

So I have yet to prepare my confirmation lesson for tonight. What I've done in the past is really boring--even to me. But the curriculum I have to use now has so little content on this topic (in my opinion). I am having trouble finding a middle ground. And I need something for tonight! This has to be done first before I move on to the piles of other things. Inspiration now would be very helpful!

Sleep

I have always been a sound sleeper. Hubby tells me that once on vacation I slept through a tornado. (He looked out the window and said trees were blowing down to the ground.) I love to sleep--and need a lot of it.

Until Baby Girl. When I became a mom (and a breastfeeding one at that), I became a much less sound sleeper. But I still need lots of sleep.

Baby Girl (now 2 1/2) hasn't been sleeping well lately. That's debatable I guess--last night she wasn't up and awake, but she kept moaning in her sleep and crying out 'mama.' Which means 'mama' isn't sleeping well. I lay in my bed deciding whether or not to check on her. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go in and lay on the floor next to her bed so I can just make comforting noises. Sometimes I fall asleep there--it's not very comfortable either. Last night was a bit unusual though; in the last few weeks, there have been many nights when she was really awake. And she doesn't usually want Daddy--which is good, since he usually doesn't hear her. And I end up awake anyhow. I guess I'd rather be awake and caring for her than just awake.

I am just so tired. And when I'm tired, I'm sluggish. And when I'm sluggish, not much gets done. And I have so freaking much to do! I have to push to get a ton done in the hour I have before I get Baby Girl. Maybe a to-do list for tomorrow will help!

Youth Ministry

So...youth ministry is an absolutely essential component of congregational life. I believe it. I also know that is not where my skills and talents lie. But...in this small, struggling in some ways--vibrant in others--congregation I now serve, this was an area where there really wasn't anything. So I'm trying--a once a month high school group. First time there were 2 kids, last night there were 6. And I just kind of let them go to see how they interact with one another and me and talk about faith stuff and life stuff.

I came home with a splitting headache. And some thoughts about how I need to go from here.

1. I need to make a youth room happen. This has apparently been discussed ad nauseum for years and they are feeling pretty defeated I think. They are all smart kids; they understand we have a really small space and the space would have to be shared--in that it may be needed at times for certain other things. (So no black walls or graffiti or stuff like that) They need to know I (and the congregation) really do care about them.

2. I need to make some 'ground rules' next time. Nothing major--just things like, oh, don't talk when someone else is talking once we get started. I'm all about just hanging out time too--but once we start a conversation--let's listen to one another. Really--that's about the only one. They were pretty good about checking phones and putting them away, rather than texting throughout--so unless that becomes a problem later, whatever.

What else--I'm pretty clueless. But for now, I guess this will do.

Almost Dead Battery

I did want to post tonight, but the laptop battery is almost dead. And my battery needs enough recharging too that I'm not about to go after the cord. So there blogging every day!

Fail

So I failed yesterday--though I wrote posts in my head. Does that count?

Yesterday was my day off--which means a day at home alone with Baby Girl (now in her TWOS--by which I mean we waited until 2 1/2 for the terribles to begin). We did laundry, got ready for in-laws to visit for the weekend, we cuddled and read books and napped, we went to see her older sister's variety show in the evening. We (okay--just I) got a little freaked out by what sounds like an animal in the chimney of the fireplace. Didn't see anything--Daddy will have to check this out today.

I only failed at the blogging thing. I was a good wife and mommy. And that's more important.

Wednesdays

I hate Wednesdays. One of my least favorite things about Wednesdays is teaching confirmation. In my last setting, I had 48 7th and 8th graders. I now have 10 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. Both have pros and cons. Overall, I think this 10 would be preferred.

But...Wednesdays are horrible on our family. Hubby was recruited for choir--they need more than one bass; he makes two. When choir decided on a meeting time, the selected Wednesday evening at the same time as confirmation. Which we all knew meant Baby Girl would be along and that hubby would have to be the one to care for her during that time if need be. This was okay for a week or two.

Then, a couple things happened. One--other parents have been having to bring their kids. Baby Girl wants so much to play with them, but they are old enough to be self-sufficient, but not old enough to play with her unsupervised. This is a challenge.

Two--Hubby decided to join/support fledgeling attempt at a praise group, which is meeting the hour right before choir. Which means we are all at church even longer.

Yesterday was particularly bad. I don't think Baby Girl napped at daycare--normally, 'grandma' tells me, but didn't say anything in particular. However, she fell asleep in her carseat on the way home. I let her sleep for an hour, which mean we drove to church before she woke up. This (and refusing to eat most of her supper) made her a particularly unhappy camper.

And our building is small enough that she can almost always see or hear me and has been in "mommy mode" a lot recently. A number of factors conspired last night and hubby finally took her home early leaving choir. This is not working--for her, or me. It also means a late bedtime and a fight to do so. The bedtime time itself wouldn't be so horrible if she had time to decompress herself at home before heading to bed. It makes Wednesdays even more stressful--and confirmation, when I'm distracted by her screaming or them having to walk through to where the potty is.

The problem is that pretty much everyone we know in this town that we'd trust to watch her during this time is busy at church on Wednesday evenings. I dont' know what we are going to do. But we can't keep this up--it's just not working.

Garage

Having a garage isn't something I thought I took for granted--but I realized that I have. For the last two nights, I parked my car in our garage! A novel concept--it only took 3 months to get one of our cars in our new garage. Our last house had a HUGE two car garage (extra long and extra wide) and an additional shed that was essentially a small one car garage. The only downside was that the garage was detached. That was a pain, especially when carrying a baby (and often other things) and trying to not let the screen door blow away and get the door unlocked and get in the house. An attached garage was on my must-have list for this house.

Which it is, but it is a TINY two car garage. We have 3 vehicles, a number of bikes, strollers, workbenches, and general garage stuff. One vehicle seriously will never go in the garage because it doesn't fit--with the garage empty. We lovingly call this hand-me-down vehicle "the land yacht." Thank goodness this is the one with a functioning remote start--we are coming up on winter after all. Nights have already been frosty.

We did get one estimate to add a garage stall. Way more than we expected! We will get another estimate, but yikes. It was almost double what we thought--and what we thought would have been a stretch. We do have a tiny shed too, but still--I'm not sure we'll ever get two vehicles in a garage at this house.

At least I get the garage and don't have to scrape windows! I'm grateful for that.

I Hate/Love Fall

I hate fall. I hate the days getting shorter and the darkness descending earlier and earlier each day. I hate "fall back" with a toddler because I'm sure it won't mean an extra hour of sleep. I hate the weather not deciding if it's warm or cold. I hate it being chilly outside and then too warm inside, but not warm enough to open windows. I hate the cold, frosty mornings. I hate the wind. I hate knowing winter and snow will be here soon.

But I do love the colors of the leaves and the way the sun shines on them. I love when it is warm. I love seeing Baby Girl's face as we play in the leaves and throw them in the air.

I guess my hate list is longer, but I want to make sure to notice that there are always things to love!

NoBloPoMo -- is that right?

November Blog Posting Month? Something like that--it's been while since I've seen someone do the official thing--posting every day for the month of November. But it's a challenge I am going to take on. We'll see about success. And to up the likelihood of success, today's post will only be this. I'll save my other ideas for the next few days!

Doing it All

I can't do everything. I know that. I've always known it, I guess. But I'm getting better at realizing it.

However, how do I manage to waste so much time at work? Why am I not getting work done when I'm in my office? It's 10:30 a.m. and I've accomplished nothing in the nearly 2 hours I've been here! In order to be better able to get done at home what needs to be done on Friday and Saturday, today I must accomplish the following: a few items for tonight's board meeting, a sermon for Sunday, Sunday School prep (which is started). That's not much, but it's a lot. I have a seed of an idea for my sermon and that's all for that so far.

I have a meeting to go to at 3, home quick for supper, and back for meeting at 5:30. Must have this done by 3. So now it's to work!

Except--wow, this was boring! No one even commented on my last post which was funny--why am I even bothering?

Green Hair and Blue Hamsters

Episode 1:

Baby Girl wakes up in the morning and calls out to me. I go in to get her out of her crib where she is standing with her arms outstretched.

Me: Good morning sweetheart!
BG: Mommy have green hair.
Me: What? Green hair?
BG: Mommy, you have green hair.
Me: I have green hair? No.
BG: You have green hair last night. Mommy have green hair. BG have green hair and we slide down it.
Me: I had green hair last night and you had green hair and we slid down it.
BG: Yes.
Me: Silly goose!

My best guess is a dream.


Episode 2:

Baby Girl is sitting on my lap playing with something and it sounds like she says 'hamster.'

Me: Hamster? Did you say hamster?
BG: Yes.
Me: Did you see a hamster at 'Grandma's' (daycare)?
BG: Yes, Kaylee has one.
Me: Did you touch it?
BG: Yes.
Me: Was it soft?
BG: Yes.
Me: Was it this big? (make hands into size of baseball)
BG: No.
Me: What it this big? (make hands smaller size)
BG: No.
Me: How big was it?
BG: This big! (smiling and putting her hands together over her head)
Me: Really? What color was it? (still thinking it's possible that Kaylee brought a hamster to daycare)
BG: Blue!
Me: A blue hamster?
BG: Yes! (smiling)

Conversation replayed by us for daddy later. Hamster still big and blue. Daddy and I kept talking and said something to the effect of 'was the hamster in your imagination?' to which we got silence and a smile. I think she knew she was making this up and didn't want to admit it!

Hmm...that's a new one

So, a couple from the Kingdom Hall/Jehovah's Witnesses just left my office. They came by to offer me their publications and indicated they'd love to bring some by each month. They said that many people appreciate them and many clergy also like them. Hmm...

My best friend in elementary school was a Jehovah's Witness, so I kind of have a soft spot. I took the brochures. I won't be sharing them--nor will I get multiple copies next month.

I've got to admire their convictions--confessing their beliefs no matter what, but really--to a church? They weren't pushy, were friendly, and clearly not out for a fight.

But that is certainly a new one for me!

Rock, Rock, Zzzzz

Lately, as in the last couple weeks, Baby Girl has had a renewed interest in being rocked to sleep. This doesn't exactly coincide with being in our new home--the first two weeks here, she didn't want to be rocked. I have mixed feelings about it--but mostly enjoyment! I love to snuggle her, to feel her body against mine, to hold her until she gently drifts to sleep playing with her hair or mine. It's so relaxing--and I'm trying to only focus on her as I rock, to not think about the to-do list or what I should be doing that is 'more productive.' Oh sure, I sometimes think about sermon ideas or things I need to do, but it's still relaxing for me.

Which is precisely the problem. I rock her to sleep and then have no desire to do anything else. And 8:30 is just to early to go to bed--because it won't matter if I have 10 hours of sleep. I still don't like to see 6:30 a.m. And those boxes will not unpack themselves. But I'll get over it. I know these days of rocking are numbered. I'll take each and every one I can, her Baby Girl self snuggled into me as she goes to sleep and a depth of love that I can't put into words.

Balance and Guilt

So as I'm settling into my new call, my new home, my new life...I'm trying to find a new balance. A new balance in which guilt about not being good enough at anything seems to lurk just below the surface. And so, this afternoon, for this hour I'm sitting on my couch--home alone. I need to clean and organize and file at home; I need to write a sermon--ideally by 4 p.m. today so that it doesn't bleed into family time. But I need this too--just sitting in my home watching design tv. So I am--even though I could be wasting time in my office pretending to work. I'm trying not to feel guilty. I will go back to work soon and will really work. And my sermon will be done by Sunday morning--well Saturday evening this week as I'm preaching at a service then. I will spend the time I need to with my family. And stuff at home will get done when it gets done. I'll keep learning this balance. One design show at a time. Ha!

Me, Me, Me

Every so often, I go through this phase where I read lovely blog posts and want to comment, but change my mind because I seem to just be about me. I want to say something because I want others to know I'm reading and that I care, but I can't figure out what to say. Except something about me that is sparked by what I read. And so I say nothing.
And at the same time, I feel bad that I don't get many comments on this blog. And I have to re-evaluate yet again why I want a blog. I wanted a place to write, yes. But I think it's because I so deeply crave connection that I just can't seem to find. I'm trying here in my new place--to be less worried about what I say or who I am. But it's hard to make friends--who wants to be friends with their pastor? And I don't know that I want to initiate friendships--as in, invite certain people over for dinner and not others. Sigh.
But that doesn't seem to matter when I think of one connection this morning. Baby Girl wiped out on our new tile floor--barefoot, I'm not quite sure how she managed to slip where she did, but she cried harder than usual. No blood, no immediately obvious place of pain. And she let me pick her up and snuggle with her. Normally a owie involves a bit of a cry, a 'do you need a kiss?', 'yes,' a kiss, and then she's done and ready to go. Today she snuggled and even though she stopped crying, she just wanted to snuggle and nothing else. It was probably ten minutes--that's a long time for her these days. (Unless we are snuggling watching tv) It was so nice--an especially good thing for mommy as I prepared to take her to her new daycare for the first day today. That is, I guess, another post for another day.