Updates

On the housing front:

We are progressing toward buying a home in our new community. The building inspector okayed it yesterday. We have to have our loan finalized by July 30. Closing to be end of August or before. Sale not contingent on sale of our home--in-laws will serve as our 'bridge loan' if need be.

One contingent offer on our home in old community. (They have an accepted offer on their home-contingent on the sale of another home). Possible other offer--hubby talking to that couple today. They made an offer, but we need another $4000 to make it comparable/doable. If they agree to our counter offer, those with the contingent offer have 72 hours to either back out or come up with the money to make it a non-contingent sale.

ETA: They did make the counter offer essentially, $3000 which we can make work. We'll draw up paperwork tonight, sign tomorrow. So, either the 72 hours will happen or that will. Unless the additional folks coming tonight make a better offer before we sign the papers--oh, that'd still give the contingent folks their 72 hours. I've called the bank to set up loan stuff; Hubby called our realtor to let her know that we want to get things going. Hubby thinks--oh, we can move the last week in July. Can we say VBS? I didn't tell him that; wouldn't matter if I did. I guess I'm like Martha in Sunday's text--worried and distracted by many things. I need to be a bit more like Mary today. Think that'll make it into the sermon--it just might. Except I'm concerned all people will hear is, "Pastor Silent is moving to our town" not anything else.

On the job front:

Hubby has a job interview for a much better job! About 15-20 minutes from our new community. That's in the morning. We thought he was a long shot for the interview, so this is promising. I so hope for him that he moves forward, though he seems not too confident. I wish I had more time with him tonight to help him prepare. I have meetings all evening.

Me--I'm doing okay. Wanted to have my sermon for this weekend done already; I know, it's only Tuesday, but I didn't preach last weekend, so I was hoping. I'm struggling with how to teach 100+ people (mostly adults) how to communicate and how to plan. No surprises, just not sure how to proceed.

On the home front:

Hubby is also working his summer job an hour away from home (not in the direction of the new community--the other way) where he lives in a hotel and is gone all the time. Except he's had to come home alot for housing things. So...my mom is here. Still taking Baby Girl to daycare so as not to mess up her routine too much but mom is here to get her when I have evenings. It's mostly good; but it's going to be a long couple weeks.

Anonymity

I blog anonymously; it is my choice, my way of being my shy introvert self in this big internet world. It's my way of being private; a way to make it 'safer' for me to share deepest thoughts and feelings. Anyone who knows me in real life would have no trouble identifying me if they came across this blog. And I don't think I've said anything that would be deadly or career-threatening if found by a member of a congregation. I've said things I wouldn't necessarily want to be told--like when I was in the call process, etc. BUT I'm not blogging for anyone else but me. I'm not trying to start a conversation about what is wrong with a certain group and how it can improve.

I recently received a letter with the first entry of a blog and a blog address that does such a thing. Part of me really wanted to just trash the letter and go no further, but I decided to read the blog. And I find what irks me is that the poster's identity is 'Facilitator'--based on what 'Facilitator' writes, the higher ups in the organization that s/he says s/he has spoken with would know who it is. But the rest of us don't. Oh--and the kicker is that the stated goal relates to transparency. Um...is it just me or wouldn't somehow including your identity go a long way towards transparency?

Now I'm torn--part of me wants to comment (with my real name) on the blog and call him/her on that. But at the same time, I don't want to give the blog credibility. So...any suggestions?

House Hunting

So today, hubby and I spent 3 hours looking at houses. We visited 10 homes--only saw 9. One we showed up and the people were there and told the realtor they had canceled. Oops. But we narrowed it down to 4; one we really, really like and the others with potential. The one that was my dream home months ago--well, it had serious water damage this spring. The realtor said there was no way she'd recommend buying it. With that, we can agree--it had a really nice main floor layout though. We didn't even look at more of the home, but since were spending the day looking I wanted to see inside.

Our house is now listed on our local for-sale-by-owner site. Two realtors have made contact with us about bringing their clients in to see it. That is awesome! (It just went up 2 days ago.) Using the MLS on our local realty site, there are virtually no other homes in the price range we are priced at now. (There are serious like 5 within a span of $50,000 and most of those are more 'in-town' while we are almost in the country.) We are hopeful. If we don't sell in 30 days (or sooner if we decide we need to move on our really, really like home), we will list with a realtor. That way it'll be better for us if we want to make an offer on a new home contigent on the sale of our current home. I am choosing not to worry until after we get home from our conference/vacation/time away this coming week. When we get home, we'll go from here.

If Baby Girl's sign about 'her room' was really a sign that that is our home (and it is still the one we really, really like), it'll still be on the market next week. If not, we'll go from there. I'm just glad it feel like progress.

Now--for at least one sermon. I meant to write last night, but I've been fighting a cold or something. I got into bed at 8:30 last night, just after Baby Girl. I was out by 9 and slept almost straight through until 6 when Baby Girl woke us up. I feel much better today; will feel even better when Sunday's sermon is done!

Crazy Busy

Life is crazy busy!!

We celebrated Baby Girl's second birthday on Memorial Day! She's such a big girl--Baby Girl doesn't so much fit any more. But it still does too--she's my precious angel, even as she asserts that she is indeed two and has the tantrums to prove it! Really, though, she's pretty laid back and not as 'terrible' as many other two year olds I've known. I cannot believe it's two years. She is still my heart. Next week, my hubby and I are headed south for a conference for me and an extra day just for us. We will be leaving her with her grandparents from Sunday morning until Thursday evening. That will be the longest I've ever been away from her--and the longest we've both been away from her at the same time. We have only both been away from her at the same time for one 24 hour stretch. I think it will be very hard on me. But I'm looking forward to the conference and time just with hubby!

This week, we have appointments for loan preapprovals and house hunts. We are listing our house on a 'for sale by owner' site--it should be up this afternoon. It's taking a bunch of my work week do do these meetings, but I'm ready to get this going! Pray for the house to sell quickly and for our house hunting... We went to an open house on Saturday and got the sign that it was time to move forward. We went to the upstairs of this house; Baby Girl went into the smallest bedroom (the one with pinkish walls), spun in circles and said, 'Baby Girl's room.' She loved the room next to it too (that one had a kid's table and chair set in it). So, while me might not end up in that house--it seemed like as good a sign as any to get us on the move. Or rather, a good sing for my hubby--I've been ready for some time!

Church is good--I'm loving the people and the place. Frustrations about some things, but things I anticipated to be frustrated about. So much could be written, but I need to write a sermon for this week (and hopefully start next week's so I don't have to do that away). I was hoping posting would get the writing juices flowing.

Is it cheating

if, during my 3rd sermon/4th Sunday at New Church, I use this (almost 4 minute) video as half of my sermon when it fits my setting so amazingly well?

Radio Messages

There are some who would say that a certain song being played on the radio is a sign from God. I am not one of them. I don't believe that God will cause a dj to pick a certain song to play just because I need to hear it. I do, however, think that God can stir my heart so that I pay particular attention to a certain song.

This morning on my long drive to New Church, a song that I've come to love came on the radio. Some of the words are "I don’t wanna go through the motions I don’t wanna go one more day Without Your all consuming passion inside of me I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking What if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions." This song had become somewhat of a mantra the last year (years?) at First Church. I felt like I was just shuffling along, doing what needed to be done, but it was mostly about going through the motions and I wanted to be giving and doing more, but not there. This morning, the song came on and I turned up the radio and all of a sudden it was quiet.

Hmm, I thought. And I turned the radio off and back on and then just decided to wait. I found out later that the tower had been struck by lightning which caused them to go off the air for a few minutes. And I really don't think God had lightning strike that tower just so I'd hear certain songs. But the words that came on mid-song when service resumed, "this is where the healing begins, this is where the healing begins."

I wasn't wounded, but I was disheartened. I was tired and 'going through the motions.' Now, I'm further along a path. I'm in a new place; I'm excited and looking forward. Thanks God--for this new place and for the songs.

Day One

Today's my first day at my new church. I drove down this morning for a women's group--5 ladies and me. It was a much smaller day than my first day at First Church, but a good one. And someone/they had cleaned out my office. Yes, there is still a bookshelf full of things--many of which I'm not sure I want/need or even that they want/need. But it's tidy and clearly an effort was put into it and that means a lot! Small children even made 'welcome pastor' signs. It feels really nice. I will be installed tomorrow during worship and potluck welcome will follow. Then will begin the sharp learning curve!!

On the way home, I drove past First Church and my name was still on the sign. As long as we live here, I'm debating just watching to see when it comes down. (As opposed to emailing and saying--hey, my name's on the sign).

The rest of today is lots of work at home, hopefully going to get a haircut and getting ready for tomorrow and a new week. And a new schedule--Baby Girl will go to daycare 4 days a week--at least for now. I'm going to take Fridays off--because I finally can. Lots of driving will happen in the forseeable future. I need to get some books I think.

It's new and exciting--like many May 1sts have been for me. It's scary too, but in a good way. I just need to stay focused and grounded and not allow more worries than necessary to creep in. It'll be okay; it'll be good. As my CPE supervisor made me say to myself so often that I made a sign of it for my desk, "I am more competent than I think and more capable than I realize." Darn him for being right!

That and deep breaths and prayers and excited hugs and cuddles from Baby Girl when I get home will see me through.

Oddness

I am home alone today--ALONE. I'm so very rarely home all by myself it feels very weird. I took Baby Girl to daycare as it is her usual day. I went to church and finished cleaning out my office and turned in my key. And I still forgot to look at the sign to see if they have taken my name off. I might just have to do that this afternoon to satisfy my curiosity.

I start at new church tomorrow--I really need pseudonyms. I have been invited to a women's gathering that is pretty early in the morning and I'm not sure I want to go. I even said that I didn't think I would, but I will. I was hoping to have the day home with hubby to keep working on our house. I guess it's more important that I start down there. I will go and then spend time starting to get my office in order. Unless the members went in this week, I have to clean up the stuff left by the interim. I realize that not everyone is as neat/spotless as me--at least when it comes to leaving places for other people, but I can dream.

It feels very odd to be done at the first church, maybe I'll call it that (First Church) as it was my first call. But new place--what to call it?

Anyway, it's just an odd place to be in--this in-between place. And not moving home yet and not even having a date on the horizon. When we moved here, we had our house for sale or maybe even sold with the closing set for the end of the month. Now we don't even have our house listed.

Hubby is looking for new job options for himself so he wants to hold off just a bit more as a different job would impact our home options and location needs, so.... However, I have this goal. We will be ready to take pictures for our on-line ad by Friday next week--a week from today. I'm going to take Fridays off in the new place, so it'll be my next day home. We may still have a few things to do--like clean closets, etc. we can take photos anyhow.

Wow--this was really boring. I thought I had more exciting thoughts. I guess I'm tired.

Frustrations in Moving, Part 2

House hunting--maybe? I found an awesome house on-line. From what I can tell on-line. I really really want to go see it, but we don't have ours ready to list yet. And, do we call a realtor we know? Especially since we are going to try to sell on our own. Or do we just call for an appointment? Or do we wait? Ugh.


I have too many books--too, too many. I am in the midst of boxing and packing and I have so many. I just want to be done packing my office!

And I'm packing to procrastinate the sermon writing. My final sermon here is this weekend. I have a one paragraph idea of what I want to say. It needs to be longer, but I just can't get into it. It will come--it always does.

Frustrations in Moving

Oh--there are many, and many more to be sure, but this is today....

MIL and FIL here to 'help'--brought with almost 3 year old nephew--who is getting along fairly well with almost 2 year old Baby Girl--but finding jobs for MIL to do is challenging. She wants to be helping but doesn't realize that occupying the kids is more help than having the tv babysit them while she tries to clean something

Trying to box somethings but leave enough that staging the house will be good. We want to get it on the market soon and start looking. So packing, but not packing everything. It's a challenge. We did decide to rent a storage unit today. Decided it was worth it compared to the hassle of sending things home with MIL/FIL to store for us.

And packing, packing, and stopping because all the boxes are in one of the two rooms where toddlers are now napping. Need to get something done but not sure what at this point--need help from Hubby but also know that he needs to be working on the garage

But...it's Easter, it's a new beginning, a new start...

My Easter sermon involved talking about playing peek-a-boo with Baby Girl...must remember her joyous smile!

To Do Lists

My 'to do' list at my current congregation is getting shorter and shorter. It is feeling good to mark things off the list. The list doesn't include lots of things like packing up my office and turning over files, etc. but rather the tasks, the events, the sermons.

I'm trying not to start my 'to do' list for my new congregation too soon. But things are already creeping onto it.

And, don't get me started on the home to do list--yikes! Lots to do to get our house ready to sell; once we list it we can start doing serious house-hunting in the new town. It's not looking really great in our price range, but we'll manage.

Number one, however, on my list is the item I'm struggling with--Easter morning sermon. Have seriously been lacking sermon mojo here for some time; I was hopeful knowing change is coming would help. Not so far. I'll get there somehow; I always do. Just wish it felt more like a gift of the Spirit to have the opportunity to preach here and now and less like an item on my to do list.

St. Patrick's Day

Okay--really not at all about St. Patrick's Day--just couldn't think of a better title. Tomorrow is the day that the letter goes in the mail and the church council finds out. Friday I'll be making some calls to some people that I think might want to hear directly from me. I'm nervous about this part even as I'm excited about the future. Prayers appreciated.

Expectations and Hopes

For now I will just say that things went as I hoped on Sunday. Now there are lots of expectations. I will write more soon.

Cutie

Apparently we aren't the only ones who think our Baby Girl is a cutie. Last night we went to my stepdaughter's choir concert. As we waiting for the concert to begin, a little girl about 8 or so came over. "Excuse me, ma'am. Can I take a picture of your baby?" I said sure. She used a cell phone and took a picture. As she and her giggly friend walked away, she said, "We'll have to keep that one." It made me giggle. There were lots of other babies/toddlers there and Baby Girl was by far the cutest! :)

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Okay--so 2 out of 3 readers want to know what's going on with me and a possible new call. And this is a lovely procrastination tool for the sermon that doesn't seem to want to get written for this weekend.

A congregation about 45 minutes from here will be voting whether or not to extend me a call on Sunday, March 7th. Their proposal for compensation was well below synod guidelines and even more below what I'm receiving in my current setting. (Because of insurance coverage costs.) My hubby and I met with them and proposed a middle ground--I took him with, it was ridiculous not to--we make financial decisions together and it would have delayed the process to have to talk to him before agreeing. So, I still would be making less than here/less than guidelines, but Baby Girl would have insurance coverage along with me and we think the 'quality of life' benefits would outweigh the cost. And Hubby could keep his job though we'd move closer to the new place. (He currently drives about 15-20 minutes in the direction of the new place from where we are now.) So, this tiny, struggling financially congregation will be voting on calling me AND a salary package bigger than they had budgeted for. So...we'll see.

And I'm okay because lots of things make it seem like it will happen, though it's by no means a done deal. And, if it doesn't happen, Hubby is committed to doing everything in his power to get a new job for himself to get me out of here!

So...there you have it. Now to the sermon for this weekend! Brilliant ideas on that are welcome! Somehow I've never preached on this particular Sunday of the church year, so I really have nothing.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

I am writing this because I need to keep my mouth shut.

I remember baptizing this little boy who died, marking his forehead with the sign of the cross. "Child of God, you have been sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever." I remember his bright blue eyes, the way he was one of the first children I ever made real eye contact with as they were baptized--believing, knowing, he looked into my eyes as I said these words to him. I remember when he was diagnosed and telling his mom that I didn't know what to say, but if there was anything I could do--come over and wash dishes even--I would. I read his website faithfully, trying to be connected when he did not get out of the house much and the family had supports beside us for actual visits. (Though we talked regularly with the parents.) I have felt more than once that I was to be here to do his funeral--most strongly felt that when I was discerning whether or not to move 2ish years ago.

And now, I will be involved in the funeral, but not preaching. And I began to question, was I really not the one who poured the baptismal waters? Am I thinking of the wrong little boy? But my pastoral reports indeed say that I presided at this baptism. According to senior pastor, he's preaching because he presided at the baptism. And I wonder--did that come from him or the family? If they remember him, fine. But if he doesn't remember....

I obviously would never say something to the family. Losing your 6 year old son is more than enough grief. I want to say something to senior pastor, but what good would it do? So, I'm keeping my mouth shut. I will do my best at the funeral and I will do my best to love the family.

God claimed this little boy in the waters anyway--I was just the hands; it could have be any hands. And now God has claimed this little boy again--for all eternity. I've got to get out of the way.

Not about me, but about me

So...I am hopefully done playing nurse to my family. Hubby is on the mend--feels good today. Sees eye doctor tomorrow. Baby Girl was her full, happy, bubbly, perky self this morning. She see's doc on Friday just to be sure.

I need desperately to get my sermon for tomorrow written, but just got a sad phone call (for lack of a better word). A little boy was just admitted to a hospice house this morning--he has outlived his diagnosis for much longer than any of us expected. My heart aches for this family--this little boy whose forehead I marked with the sign of the cross on his baptismal day just over 6 years ago.

A few years ago, I thought I was going to move, but had this nagging feeling that I was supposed to stay until I did his funeral. Well--I didn't move then--for lots of reasons. And now--in just a few weeks, a different congregation will be voting to extend me a call. (It's by no means definite; money is a huge factor but that's another post.) If they do call me, it'll be a few months yet before moving. Just recently I said to my hubby, I haven't thought about this boy's funeral for some time. But today, I wonder. Is this what I am here for?

So What's Next?

A toddler with a double ear infection.

And raspy chest so on medicine for that too so that it doesn't turn to pneumonia.

Seriously?

So my iphone wouldn't cooperate with attempt #1--which would not have been complete because that was Sunday morning.

Blogger/my computer ate attempt #2.

Here's #3...

Seriously, how much more can we take?

I spent from 3 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. Sunday morning with my hubby in the ER
(Add this to the list of why I'm glad I'm an associate for now--my role for Sunday morning services was to lead worship/preside--senior could manage on his own quite nicely)

He is 'a freak of nature'--the doctor's term, really. Apparently people don't have 2 kidney stones (1 in each kidney) at the same time--at least very often.

Saw the urologist Monday a.m., which ended up involving a 'procedure'--code for knocking hubby out and putting stents in each tube from each kidney to bladder. Stones broke up with the scope so they should just pass, stents will be removed next week. But now there is pain from the procedure--mostly just when he pees, but also some pain from the stents being put in.

The good news, seriously, in all of this is that my mom was in town, so Baby Girl did not have to go with to either. She was able to stay asleep in her bed and then have someone who loved her and know her routine to wake up to. She's confused, we can tell. But she is loved. And it made 7 hours in the ER and hours in the waiting room at the surgery center much more bearable knowing whose hands she was in.

Add to this a waiting game for me about something potentially significant and I'm fried. Trying very hard to finish Sunday's sermon today so I can start on Ash Wednesday tomorrow. Yucky weather here, so at least when I go home this early afternoon I do not have to come back out for a meeting I was supposed to have. That's something at least.

Can we go back to 2009?

2010 is off to an officially crappy start. I've avoided writing about some of it because it seemed like it would 'out' me, but really if anyone knows me, the last post already did. I've told on Baby Girl a lot. What can I say, she is the bright light of every day! Sometimes the only light.

So here's the year so far:

January 1-2 ~ No big deal. Hubby, Baby Girl, and I went out for a really early dinner on December 31 and then came home and settled in for the night. She went to bed at her normal time (7:30/8 p.m.) and we watched the ball drop in New York (so 11 p.m. our time) and went to sleep. The days were home and uneventful.

January 3 ~ Morning worship--not a big deal, except upon leaving from colleague. "Oh, did so-and-so talk to you? They want to come see you on Tuesday." Leaving me with guesses but unsure about topic.

January 5 ~ First day back in the office after a week off. So-and-so calls to set up appointment, colleague does give me a bit of history about what topic will be. Meet with him--blog later (the sermon I want to write versus the sermon I need to write.)

January 7 ~ 6 p.m. Short version -- Hubby gets hit in the eye with a flying rock. Serious injury. Crappy weather. Friend takes us all (including Baby Girl) to emergency room. Arrive home 10 p.m. after two ERs due to stupid hospital system

January 8 ~ Crappy weather, friend takes hubby to eye doc so as to disturb Baby Girl less, hubby to be on at least 5 days of bed rest, pills, and numerous drops. Frantically arrange care for girl for Saturday evening worship and Sunday morning. Oh yeah, and try to finish sermon.

January 9 ~ a.m. visit doc, eye looking good

January 10 ~ 2 a.m. hubby wakes me up in severe eye pain and seeing (or not as the case may be) as he did right after rock, 6 a.m. call senior pastor and give him two options--I don't come to worship/important Sunday School event I'm part of or his wife takes hubby to eye doc when he calls. senior pastor goes with option 2. Rebleed--really, really bad for eye--increase drugs and bed rest

January 10 ~ 8:30 a.m. with Baby Girl go get oil changed, p.m. in-laws arrive and I take hubby to doctor

rest of the week ~ someone takes hubby to doctor every day, either FIL, me or both ~ I try to work and try to maintain some sense of normalcy in my home and with Baby Girl

January 17 ~ morning between services--pre-annual meeting meeting that I don't attend because it could get ugly regarding me and colleague, in-laws leave so FIL can have hernia surgery on Monday, hubby's eye improving

January 20 ~ ice storm, but get hubby to eye doc before it's bad to hear things are looking good--eliminate pills, keep drops, no need to see doc again until Wednesday

January 21 ~ a.m. hubby sees retina specialist, can't see retina as well as would like so needs to come back Monday, still really icy--don't want to have friend come out to watch Baby Girl so I can attend potentially horrid council meeting while hubby (who can finally drive) can go to older daughter's 7 p.m. recital, 5 p.m. hubby finds out that recital is at 6 p.m. an hour away--franctically prepares to go and take Baby Girl with, 9 p.m. I arrive home not long after them, 10 p.m. go to sleep, 11:30 p.m. woken up by hubby saying something about "kidney beans"--he's in severe pain--we do online research, call doctors, etc. --self-diagnose kidney stones, he's in bad shape

January 22 ~ 1 a.m. head to ER, loading up Baby Girl from sleeping--she stays asleep through move and all the way to the ER, wakes up then--about 2 a.m. is awake until 4 a.m. in the ER, hubby is definitively diagnosed with kidney stone, given loads of pain meds and sent home, 3:45 Baby Girl starts to melt down tremendously, I want to cry (she really was a trooper through it all--she's such a good, happy girl, we are so lucky!), 4:30 a.m. arrive home, sleeping Baby Girl stays asleep for transfer back to bed, 5 a.m. I curl up to sleep, 6:30 a.m. Baby Girl awake and ready to go! Hubby snoring away from all the heavy duty pain meds, I manage to get Baby Girl to watch some tv so I can doze until 7:30 a.m., 7:45 a.m. wake up hubby to watch her while I shower, 8 a.m. leave to take Baby Girl to daycare and head to pick up prescriptions for hubby, taken those home, 9:30 a.m. arrive in office--spend day (with exception of one home communion visit) trying to stay awake and write sermon for this weekend--which is annual meeting and potentially hurtful and the texts are about being the church (as I read them)--there seems to be a lot at stake.

Oh--and no time for this, but hubby has new job, don't know how many sick days he really has nor what his insurance covers; he had to buy insurance at this job and he's never sick, so I don't know which one he picked. We've seen no bills yet, but yikes...it cannot be good.

I want to go back to 2009. 2010 is not off to a good start.